All For Love
by RedHeadedPixieGrunger
Summary: Married with three children and a baby on the way. Life for April and Phil had never been so sweet. Until their secret is discovered. Ghosts from their past resurface. Jeopardising everything they have. With April having so much to lose, what drastic measures will she take to keep her family safe. Sequel to Hate This Place. This is an AU fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Ok. So here we go. The sequel. It plays out 3 years from the last chapter of Hate This Place :)**

* * *

I can't breathe. I wish Phil was here now. To save me, to hold me in his arms, to give me back the breath John has stolen with his anger, his revelations. I thought I knew men like this - I thought I'd spent my life being raised by one of the most cold and calculating men in New Jersey. And yet, here, I wish for my Dad.

Just for that one second, because he'd ward Jack and his boys off. Maybe that's why Jack hates me so much. Because, I'm not my dad. And Jack never got to bring him down. Even when they took me, beat me.

No-one can deny the flashes I see of my Dad in Phil; the charm, the nerve. And my darlin' wore them all down so much that night he favoured my life for his own - I'm frightened. I never thought I could be, but this ghost from our past. John, he's flipped; his hands tight around my throat, squeezing out my every breath, endangering my precious baby. Even as I screamed that I was pregnant, the madness in his eyes left me in no doubt that he didn't care, even if he did let me go, leaving me to choke and feel as though my neck was burnt. But there was breath in my body, my baby was safe.

But then, there is my darlin'. And John is not about to let him be safe. I hear it, I fear it, I know it. Because John thought he'd stolen him away before. He thought he'd done the job. John thought he had killed him. I could believe most things from men like this, but John, Jack they are... evil. I've been frightened that one day, our secret would be exposed..but putting it to the back of my mind in hope, that this day would never come. But here we are. It's happening. I thought we had escaped it. But they've found us. They know Phil is alive and well. And they are hell bent in destroying my lover, my husband, the father of my children...

My head buzzes, it aches. Phil is so much. I have nothing without him. But...

"Your old man is going to pay for this!"

And I know he means it. Because Phil, stupid, _stupid _darlin' Phillip was the one delighting in John and Jacks downfall. And it's all because Jack, like my Dad, is so painfully incapable of loving his child. I regret how long it took me to see sense and live my life with Phil. Because for these few sickening moments, I have been forced to imagine my life without him. And it's not a life, it's the most miserable blackened existence imaginable.

"Jack wants him out of his sight by New Year. Come midnight, you're gone, you understand?"

Johns tone is so savage, he doesn't need to voice the "or else." I knew it was there, I'm still shaking. I tried to say that Phil would never run, not now he has so much to lose. My baby stands his ground. But John dismissed me, said I should take the chance he was "offering". But there's no kindness here anymore. He comes out with it, like I could ever mistake his threat when I am actually this terrified.

"...otherwise those precious kids grow up without a dad."

I shove him away, running from the club, unable to bear how cold this place feels now. This was mine. There were memories sure, love too, but the walls are trying to crush me, I feel it. I can't breathe, my chest is so tight and my legs are so weak beneath me. I want to go home. I want to see my darlin', I want to hold him, kiss him, feel his breath on my face. Just to know that he's still here, with me.

This is all just a hideous nightmare. I'm going to wake up.

I'm going to wake up beside Phillip.

I am.

Any minute now...

* * *

Everything passes me by in a painful blur as I drive home like a maniac. It takes me an age to find my keys in my bag. I'm shaking so much I can barely keep hold of them to force them in the lock. Stumbling inside, grateful of the unanticipated warmth that swarms me, I struggle to raise Phils' name, as desperate as I am, because there is a huge, painful lump rising in my throat and choking me all over again.

"Phil?" I manage at last, frightened to realise how obvious that every emotion sounds as I speak. "Darlin', you here?"

_Please... Please be here. I need you..._

And to hear his voice drifting from the top of the staircase, out over my desperation, I sag, almost sick with the sheer relief.

"In the shower!"

"Oh... right, OK, don't worry!" I yell back, smiling anxiously. He's really here. He's OK. He's safe. Still with me. At last, my stomach, writhing painfully around in its own knots can relax a little.

"No, come on, are you joining me or what?"

And in spite of everything, just for that second, I smirk. And that in itself is so much like Phil. He's oblivious, so content - and I love him so much.

"Just... give me a second-"

I dare to enjoy being back in our home, surrounded by our things. I wander around the lounge and for the first, my smile is meant as my gaze falls upon our wedding portrait. Just like any other couple, it's pride of place in the room. Just like any married couple, we have our priorities. We put it next to the TV. Except, it isn't just the two of us. Because beside it, another frame, with three little faces smiling back. And leaning against the frame a small black and white photo. My hand flitters proudly to my stomach. When we brought back the scan picture from the hospital, Phil couldn't help but slide it into the corner of the photo, making a point of it being the 6 of us , Freya ten years old now, Polly seven, Josh three and this, our new baby at twenty weeks. Me, a smitten bride and mother, Phil, the father he longed to be. He always wanted a big family.

It was meant to be so perfect. So why does sadness creep so readily into the corners of my lips as I stare? Why am I so damn frightened? I thought, after Dad, after Phil coming back undetected, there was always a thought in my mind that there couldn't be any kind of threat to my family. And now John, Jack...they know. Everything.

Oh God, I hate so much that I've given in. That I stand here, weak enough to sob in terror. But I can't lose this, any of it. It's my life and I've waited so long. No-one can make me let go, for anything.

I almost scream as this shrill noise penetrates my misery. I whirl round so fast in accusation, I almost fall off balance. And I flush in embarrassment as I realise the intrusion is Phils' mobile phone. I glance in the direction of the stairs, biting anxiously into my lip as I count away the seconds, awaiting a reaction. But none comes and I guess that he just hasn't heard it above the thundering of the shower. But that's OK, because we trust each other right? _With our lives._

With that thought, my hand is shaking so much that I almost knock the phone clear of the side. But somehow, I manage to cage my hand around it and read the screen, shuddering with urgency.

_**Calling...  
Zack Mobile**_

Zack... yeah, Zack, her protector all those years ago. Working at the hospital, being present for Polly and Joshs' birth. Helping when it came to Pollys illness. A best man for Phil. A best friend to both of us. He was married now, happy.

"Hello?" I say, answering the call. "Phils' phone."

But no such greeting comes back. It's more, hysteria. Crying, whimpering, wailing and sentences that never get past that first choking syllable. Sympathy burns before I even know whose calling. Because my guess is it isn't Zack himself.

"They've killed him!" a woman screams, crying, so much, she's hoarse. "They've killed Zack! Phil! Help us! They've _killed_ him!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok so I got a review from a guest today, basically saying that I should give up this fic because there is no wrestling in it and that it will fail just like "Hate This Place" did. At first I was so peeved and was about to throw in the towel on this whole FF thing but after a verbal slap of sense and supportive words from XxPunkleexX and RedFoxy. I have decided that this person is not worth it. I shall continue on as planned. I am not doing this for popularity and I don't care about reviews. I'm here to share with all you PunkLee fans what is going on in my brain. If that isn't enough then that's ok. Don't read. I have accepted the review so anyone wanting to read it and laugh is free to do so. And to this lovely person who wrote the review, you are also welcome to review all my other future chapters. Have a nice day. To all who reviewed with proper spelling and punctuation, thank you :)**

* * *

_Another wife so terrified as I am? Oh God, please, no!_

"C-Calm down! Candice isn't it?" I ask, trying to think. "It's AJ. Breathe yeah? Nice and deep. Tell me what's happened..."

But she's not calm at all. She just screams again; "They've killed him!"

I turn desperately around and I'm greeted by the sight of Phil, jeans and a rumpled top pulled on as he stands, towelling dry the back of his neck. He sighs dramatically.

"You're too late now sweetheart, you really should take it when it's-" But his smile falls away when he sees my panic. "April, what's wrong?"

"Candice..." I gabble, pressing the phone into his chest and turning back against the armrest of the sofa, propped up there as I bite into my thumb, needing to hear what's going on. Because I need to settle the mania whirring in my head. I'm scared. Really and truly. I might be many things, but I'm not naive and I am so past believing in coincidence. This... This has got Jacks name all over it, I know it has. I feel so sick. He's trying to get to me and Phil through Candice & Zack. This is my warning... and I've just handed it straight to Phil.

I push myself forward a little and about to start pleading for him to return the phone, regretting my instinct. As much as Phil might care for these people, their problems are not ours. This has to be about just us.

Except I'm too damn late. Because he's pacing, facial muscles all contorting in confusion as he tries to make sense of Candice's panic, all fizzling away in his ear.

"Candice? Whoa, Candy... Candy, slow down... what the hell has happened? Darlin', will you just _breathe_?" Then he stops, rigid in the middle of the room as he listens, his eyes locking anxiously on mine. I have to throw back a look of concern, but really I'm biting into my lip to stop myself sobbing. "What? Why the hell would he-? Intensive Care? _Shit! _Candy, tell me honestly... has he... gone under again? I mean, you're alright for money yeah? You and the kids? Where are the kids?"

_Oh my God, they've got kids! _

I hunch forward instinctively, needing to protect my own precious babies from this threat. Because I know now that it's most definitely there.

"OK, good... maybe they should stay with your mom yeah? Candy, calm down, you're not gonna be any use to anyone like this... it's gonna be alright, yeah? I'll be with you in half an hour... yep, I'm getting in the car now... so have a cigarette, dry your eyes then... get back to Zack eh? He needs you. Yeah, alright... bye. Breathe Cand-"

Just to see the amount of pain of his face as he hangs up... I hate myself. I hate that I couldn't stay away and simply hope that his feud with Jack might die where it stood. I did this. I'm the reason Candice is keeping a bedside vigil...

"Phillip?" I coax gently, winding my arms around him as he stands there, stunned. "Baby, what is it?"

There are tears in his eyes. I can't bear it. His voice is breaking with the emotion. With me, he can't even try and hide it and I am guilt-ridden.

"Zack's been... completely done in. Some heavies just barged in and half-killed him. Candice had to grab the kids and run to her mom's. She had to leave him there and they... Fuck sake, they broke both his legs April. He's actually _in_ pieces. And she doesn't know why. If he... If he was in that much trouble... with _anyone_, why didn't he... call me?"

"Shhh!" I soothe shakily, standing on my tippy toes, nestling into the crook of his neck. "This isn't your fault."

_It's mine._

And as he clings to me, I know I simply never want to let go, but in his naivety, my incredible husband is left with strength when I have none. He draws back and dares to smile, a weak offering I know he can never mean.

"I... I have to go..."

I want to protest, and I even have the words, if only I knew how to speak them. But how can I, without revealing the sickening truth and sending him charging straight into John and Jacks threats? I'm not going to lose Phil again, not for anything, not ever.

"I'm coming with you." I tell him determinedly, slipping my fingers comfortingly through his tremoring hand, holding on through nothing more than the shattering guilt. He lets out the smallest sigh of defeat that I have ever known. Even now, he doesn't want to admit he might need me. He nods and moves off to slip into into trainers, that are, as ever, in a messy heap by the door. I pick up my bag from the sofa and turn round, ready to go, ready to protect my vulnerable husband with everything that's within me. Thank god the kids were with Stephen and Kaitlyn, I'll need to phone and tell them what's going on.

We don't speak as we walk, holding on to one another. And I'm grateful, because with the force of this misery, I can feel my confessions pressing painfully against my restricting throat, ready to hurtle out and be known. And I'd sooner die than endanger Phil in a way that would take him in the same way.

But as we move to the car, Phil pulls forcefully away from my hand, rounding on me and pressing into my shoulders. "I'm gonna do this on my own." he tells me steadily, his eyes glazed in such a way that tells me, even though he's looking right at me, he doesn't see me.

I almost choke, terrified. "But... you're not on your own anymore, darlin'..."

He smiles so perfectly gently and I feel so guilty I could well be sick.

"I don't want you to see the state he's in, April, not after last time... it isn't gonna do you any good-"

"I'm a big girl now Phil."

"Alright-" And his hands slide flawlessly down my form and pressing softly into my stomach as the pads of his thumbs trace idle circles. "-so think of the baby..."

I whimper in protest. He knows damn well he's going at my Achilles heel there. "That's not fair... I... _we _should be there too."

"No." he replies, shaking his head so slightly. "I'll be fine."

"Will you call?"

"Of course I will. And when I get back; me, you Junior in here and the kids, when they're home... we're going out. Gonna go hide in some other..." His eyes dart damningly around as he scrutinises our surroundings. "-less miserable corner of the world for a while yeah? Just us..."

My smile widen in spite of everything. "Like a proper little family eh?"

"Uh huh. And I promise... I'm going spoil you..." And I surrender to the insistence of his lips as they rest against mine, kissing me fiercely. Oh, I miss his kisses already and he's not even gone. I shouldn't let him go - anything could happen and I...

"I love you _so _much." I whisper, hoping he doesn't read my sincerity for the desperation it hides. I'm so scared. Oh God, why should I feel like this?

"Love you more." he returns teasingly, somehow gone from me before I can even think to hold on, plead with him to stay with me. I stagger back, my chest unbearably tight with the pressure of the next sob that I can at last cry seeing as Phil is gone. But I swing round on my heel before I dare be so weak as to give in again. I take in nothing around me besides the rush of passing noises as I get into my car and charge over to Scarlet, Jacks new club, such determination roaring inside me, all I am aware of is the burning of unshed tears in my eyes, the erratic pounding of my own abused heart and the blood beating in my ears.

I almost stumble down the stairs into the club, falling awkwardly against the cold brick wall and tenderly rubbing my sore elbow as I straighten up. I can't believe how cold and small this place seems to be now, now that such exposed evil is at the helm. It was just a shell now. Simply something else Jack Brooks is determined to destroy.

Drumming my fingers into the cushion of my lip, I look around the darkened bar. But it's still. So, with one heaving breath of realisation, I know the only place it's worth going is through to the office. I flinch at the shadow stretching across the wall - one of Jacks monkeys is positioned at the door. I'm frightened, my stomach writhing, but hell, this brainless bastard is never going to know that. I, and my husband are so much above this kind of world now.

So I defiantly lift my chin and keep moving forward. He snarls at me, his fat lip curling over and blocks my way.

"Get out of my way." I snap, swinging my hair over my shoulder as I glare up at him.

"I don't know what you're doing down here missus, but Mr. Brooks isn't to be disturbed..."

I laugh scornfully out the side of my mouth, pitying how long it must have taken this pathetic excuse of a human being to learn how to reel that off from memory. "Well, I'm Phillip Brooks _missus_, so why don't you be a good boy and check that again?"

He can't even manage to shrug his shoulders in dismissal and that just makes me flip in anger. "Oh, get _out_ of my bloody **way**!" I yell, driving my whole weight past him. His first instinct is to get away from me, which means I'm pushing against the office door before he remembers he's meant to be stopping me going in here.

But his huge arms come around me and he tries to drag me from the office, so I keep screaming.

"Get your hands **off **me!"

"Mr. Brooks isn't to be _disturbed _lady! I told you once..."

"Roger..." comes a stern voice that makes me go cold and seems to terrify the monkey too as he immediately steps back from me. The office chair swings round and there's Jack, sat back like some perverse spectator, enjoying the show. "...what have I told you about man-handling the clientele, especially the ladies? The _pregnant _ladies..."

"Sorry boss." Roger mumbles, like some scorned schoolboy before he backs out, drawing the door shut.

Left alone, Jack seems bright. Too bright.

"April! What can I do for you?"

"It was you, wasn't it?" I hiss in disgust, but he has the nerve to look confused, hunching his shoulders in doubt. "Was what me?"

"You think you're such a big man don't you hmmm? But it's animals like that-" I fling my arm out in accusation towards the doorway, beside which I am in no doubt Roger is back guarding. "-that do the real work isn't it Jack? Like John does now, like Phil used to. All you've got to do is call and they'll rough up whoever you like. Me, Phil, Zack..."

"Zack?" He purses his lips in thought but I know he's just mocking me.

"You've had a man half-killed because... why? Because he knows Phil? What kind of reason is that?"

"Reason enough."

"He's his best **friend**!"

"No, no, no!" Jack raises his palms as he looks down at his desk, chuckling. "Zack was just a little warning to you and those kids of yours. Just to let you know that I don't make empty threats. The clock's ticking on Phillip-" He glances casually at his Rolex watch and I begin to convulse. "And my boys were on the instruction to merely hospitalise poor Zack.."

"You're sick."

He nods. "That's right April." he says calmly as he pushes himself up. "I am. _Sick _of men like Phillip, my own flesh and blood thinking they're above me, thinking they can destroy me. Because no-one is going to bring Jack Brooks down without a fight. And your husband... he wanted a fight April."

"No. We don't. _I _don't."

"It's too late. You have until the end of the year or..." He slides his fingertip tauntingly across his throat.

"Don't you know _any _other way? Jack please, I'll do anything."

He seems amused by my desperation. "You know, that's what was always so nice about you April. I know you would. God, I hate nice people." He folds his arms across his chest and leans back, perching against the edge of his desk. "But still, if you mean it when you say anything, then I suppose it'd be rude of me not to reconsider, wouldn't it?"

I daren't say anything, move or even breathe, even though I want to shudder in repulsion as I feel his presence at my side, can practically taste his rancid breath as he whispers in my ear, letting it go all across the side of my face.

"I'm sure we'd be able to come to some sort of arrangement..."


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you all for your support. It means soo much to me and thank you for reading, reviewing, following and favouriting. And especially to the guests who have come forward and reviewed. You are all awesome :)**

* * *

**Punks P.O.V**

I carelessly push my way through the people spilling down the staircases of the hospital, my hand still curled around my phone, even as it lies motionless in my pocket. I'm still shivering, but it's not the cold, even if it is late December. It was seeing Zack in such a state; bloody, still, drugged up to the eyeballs for the pain, and Candice seeming as though she was never going to stop crying.

It made me want to run away and hide, and I never thought I could be so pathetic again. Except it isn't pathetic. It's the fact I know I have April to turn and run to, that in some strange way we keep each other strong. I phoned her when I left the hospital, didn't say much besides asking her to meet me. Because more than ever, I need to hold her, to tell her I love her. It's not going to wait. I realised this afternoon just how damned lucky I am at last. April, our three beautiful kids, and our baby, they're everything I need. We're safe now. From everything that Zack just hasn't escaped. And I'm not ever going to abandon my friend, but, I've seen today everything I would have been risking if I hadn't walked away. And I'll always be there to help Zack, I will, but fucking hell, I'll never go back!

Craning my stiff neck slowly across the crowds, I catch sight of April, stretching up in the same sort of motion from her own tiny stature. She falls back on her heel as I move forward and she sees me. And I get this tightening in my chest that's screaming out how much I've missed her. And she looks just as relieved to see me as I am to see her, bouncing off the last step and deliberately rushing through these barriers of people. We kind of collide with each other, reaching and holding one another so tight, I don't think we're breathing. But that's ok. Because she's right here.

"Oh fuck, I've missed you..." I murmur into her sweet smelling hair, loving the feel of her nestling into my frame. In every way, we fit.

"I missed you too." she mumbles, before straightening up with a reluctance I share. I don't want to let the warmth of her body leave mine. I want to hold her forever. We're safe in each other's arms, nowhere else.

Even though I feel how bitterly cold her hand is against my face, just to know her touch...

"Oh... Phil, are you alright? H-How's Zack?"

"Mangled." I tell her honestly, covering her hand with mine and drawing it away from my face, instead kissing her fingertips, before I lock mine through. She winces, but I know she'd be much more pained if I lied to her. I'm never going do that again.

"And... C-Candice?"

I sigh. "Took me an hour to convince her to go home, get in the shower, get a change of clothes... luckily Zack didn't go anywhere in the meantime. He'll be ok though won't he?"

"Yeah darlin'. Yeah, he will. He's like you isn't he? Strong... he'll be fine."

I step back, frozen in sheer awe of her. I let my gaze travel down her body, from face to floor, amazed by every detail as I clutch fiercely at her hands. I speak honestly. "You look beautiful, you know that?"

And I love all the more that she looks down, colour in her face. So fuckin' bashful, she doesn't believe me. "Shut up."

I just smile, reaching down to tilt her chin and force her to look me in the eye as I speak, shaking my head so slightly. "No. Because I mean it. You're _beautiful _and I love you so much..."

Then I realise. She's shaking and there are tears sparkling on her face. She's _crying_.

"Hey!" I soothe, wiping them tenderly away with the pad of my thumb. "Don't cry, that's supposed to be a good thing, I swear."

She laughs, a true whisper of a laugh. "I know. And I love you too. More than anyone in this whole world..."

"Well, not quite..." I tease, letting my gaze drop tellingly to her stomach as I lovingly press my hand beneath her top, caressing her warm skin. Her hand follows mine, happily holding me in place. "You two been ok without me?"

"We're never going to be ok without you Phil, isn't that the point?"

"April, you're scaring me..."

She softens a little, but I'm certain that the sigh that comes is one of terror, not defeat. Was she really frightened for me, so desperate to come with me and support me, even though she's in tears without having seen Zack or Candice. She sniffs back the fresh wave and shakes her head apologetically, her hair tumbling down as her tear-stained gaze levels with mine.

"Oh I'm sorry... it's just... we missed you so much."

The way she's talking, it's unnerving me. She's talking as though I went away to war for ten years or something. Maybe that's what she was expecting; the bastard thugs that did this to Zack waiting outside the hospital room to finish him off. Maybe she thought they were going to have a go at me too.

"Hey, shhh!" I say, trying to soothe such thoughts away as I wind her tight into my arms. "I'm back now... never thought I'd be so glad to be home.".

"Then let's _stay _at home." April advises softly as she pulls a little way back from me. "Just us, the kids will be back soon... like you said."

I'm so sorely tempted. But I remember my promise from earlier and I intend to honour it. "Nah. I said I was going to spoil all of you and that's what I'm going to do, it's the least you deserve."

"Me?" she raises doubtfully, pursing those perfectly glossy lips. "It's me who should be looking after you."

"Yeah right, because I'm five months pregnant aren't I?"

"Hey..." she shoots back defensively as we walk from the car back to the house. "...this baby doesn't change who I am y'know. I'm still me, I'm still your wife, aren't I?"

"Yeah... my _pregnant _wife. And I want to look after you all..my family..."

"But we can't do the same for you?"

"No." I tease, pressing into her shoulder as I round on her to make her stand still, allowing me the opportunity to bruise her mouth. "Not until June or July... or whenever the little guy wants to say hi..."

"Little guy? I've told you Phillip, she's a girl..."

"Hmmm, we'll see about that one Sweetheart..."

* * *

**AJ P.O.V**

But light-hearted arguments about whether our baby is a boy or a girl are forgotten - we're soon cuddled up in a booth in a hidden corner of a little local Indian restaurant, kissing over the candlelight. After explaining everything to Kaitlyn, she offered to have the kids over night, not taking no for an answer. Packing their night clothes in the bag and dropping it off took longer than expected. Once I laid eyes on Freya, I ran to her, hugging her to death. I just didn't want to let go. From any of them. Making sure Polly had her medication and Josh had his green beanie elephant that he couldn't sleep without, we were on our way. Phil tried to tell me we should have gone up town, but I argued that he'd wanted to stay at home. The truth was, I didn't want to let him out my sight and in the this area at least, I'd always have some idea of where he might be. Because, even if I can't bear to admit it, I know that we're in danger. I walked away. I walked away from Jack in disgust. I still feel sick now. So sick. But I can't let it show.

Phils' life... my childrens future for one filthy little fumble with _my father-in-law, _his _would-be murderer_. And fear may be twisting my insides over themselves, but my husband is sat right beside me, his hand wound around mine, breath in his body, love in his eyes. He's alive.

"We've done alright, haven't we?" I say softly, dutifully sipping at my tall glass of water. Phil still isn't used to the idea that I'm pregnant again, almost asked for the wine list before I promptly pressed my hand to my stomach and shot him a look.

"Alright?" he muses with a laugh. "We've done more than alright April, look at the five of us, livin' it up in one of the finest establishments in the suburbs..."

I giggle in spite of myself as he looks doubtfully around.

"Next time, we're going all out - no arguments."

"Oh yeah right, me going into town all fat and-"

"Hey!" he scolds, scooting even closer and kissing me. "You are never going to be fat... you're just going to be a bit more pregnant, that's all. And you're going to look totally gorgeous..."

"Yeah well, I'd do anything for you, wouldn't I? Including spend God knows how many hours in childbirth...for the fourth time"

"Hey... are you scared?"

I roll my eyes, feeling the threat of tears sway my voice for an entirely different reason. "I'm scared of _everything_."

"But you don't need to be!" he assures me, giving me a piercing look with those beautiful eyes before I flop miserably against his shoulder, just letting him hold me, savouring our closeness. "However long it takes sweetheart, I'm going to be right there, for every single second."

I try and kid myself I'm still talking about the terror of childbirth as I say; "But... you can't take the pain away, you can't do anything if I get this wrong..." I know I'm not talking about babies anymore. I'm talking about the crushing possibility that Phil might not even be here to see me through childbirth.

He looks pained, apparantly thinking about the hours of my pain he'll be able to do nothing about. He just repeats, quieter this time and with a lot less conviction; "I'll be right there. Baby, don't look at me like that, where else am I gonna be huh?"

"I don't know." I confess weakly. "I don't know..."

"You know I love you don't you?"

A pain shoots up from the base of my neck as I nod steadily, hating that the lump swelling painfully in my throat is stopping me returning the words. If I tried, I know I'd choke.

"And that you, Freya, Pols, Joshie and the baby... you're everything..."

I hate it. How can he dare to love me so much? Doesn't he know the danger I represent, how hateful I truly am?

"Don't say that." I plead.

"April, what's _wrong_?"

I can't even have one evening with my husband, even as we hid away here. Phil hasn't seen them yet, an extension on my warning I expect. They've been leant against the bar, standing oh-so-subtlely in my eyeline since they arrived. I tried to ignore them, behave normally, sip water as we waited for our order, stealing kisses from my husband, but I can't.

Because I know them, can't take my eyes from them, stood tall in sharp suits like respectable men rather than the thugs and sinners they are. Why... Why does one such sickening proposition have to taint my life like this? We haven't hurt anyone have we? We're just... another married couple, trying to build a life together with our children. But Phil is in danger, because... because I refused Jack Brooks, with one look of the most intense disgust and went straight to Phils arms for the second time in my life. And Jack just can't bear that others around him might truly be happy when it's not even within him to love his own son.

I honestly thought that by now Phil and me were free of such restraints but they're still here, watching me from the bar, knowing that it's Phil that sits caressing my hand, such terrified concern holding his face. We're supposed to be through with lies, but to tell him the truth, oh God, what will I have done to him then? I just can't risk him seeing them there.

But I am physically betrayed and oh, how I despise my own weaknesses, how well I have dared to let Phil know me. My grip on his hand becomes painfully tight as he shifts, turning around the edge of the booth and looking the way my gaze has become so frozen.

"No, Phil, don't-" I'm by now drilling my nails so hard into his hand, I think I could draw blood, but I'm still too late - he's seen them. And they've seen him. I wait for a scene, an explosion, but they don't move, looking away and turning casually back to their pints. My stomach writhes with nausea.

"Bullies." he seethes, glancing at me. "Fucking scum, the lot of them. Y'know, I bet it was them that did Zack over. Looks like there's a new 'Boss' in town. Showing everyone who's in charge. Jesus. I can't believe I was ever involved in shit like that?

I hate how an icy cold sweeps through all my tense body.

Phil recognises that too as it shows on my anxious face. His lips curve reluctantly into an apologetic smile, but he simply says; "Once bitten, twice shy..."

"No! Phil, please... leave them alone-"

"What, like they did with Zack & Candice? _Look _at them, April, brainless bastards are smug as anything, it was them - and they bloody well know I know it!"

"So?" I challenge desperately, realising how cold I'm going to sound. I don't like it. It's not that I don't care about what's happened to Zack and Candice, the guilt is going to make me care for as long as I live, but this... this is what desperation does to you. "This isn't about them! It's about _us_! Here, now... me, you our kids and our baby. And the six of us, we have to be above this, or nothing's ever gonna change. Baby, I'm begging you, don't make us live in that kind of fear again because I can't do it. I want us to be happy, not looking over our shoulders..."

I can read in his face the effect my words are having on him. He closes his eyes, wincing regretfully as he bows his head and murmurs; "I'm sorry."

"Oh Phillip, no. That's not what I want. I don't want you to be sorry. I just want you to know we're better than that. I want you to promise me that it's just the six of us. We've had enough of a fight on our hands getting this far haven't we? We don't need to take on anyone else's."

And his smile is true as I press it against my stomach. His thumb moves gently up in a stroking motion. "Don't be like your Dad kid... listen to your Mom eh?"

His hand moves up and rests against my warm cheek, drawing me against his lips and bruising my mouth. It means everything to answer him, sliding my arms around his neck and kissing him harder, biting teasingly into his lip as I toy with the hair resting in the nape of his neck.

But then there's this shrill noise that makes me jump, about half a second before we've even realised it is in fact, the ringing of Phils' phone. He groans in displeasure against my lips, loathe to abandon my kiss. Means a lot to be wanted, but I know we have to give up, for now at least.

"It's ok." I whisper encouragingly as he shifts onto his hip and withdraws his phone from his pocket. His face drains of colour as he looks at the display. "Candice?"

"Mmm."

"Answer her baby, c'mon..."

He nods slightly, nervously licking his cracked lips before he stabs at the keypad and lifts the phone to his ear. "What? Candy, love, I can barely hear you... what's happened?"

I hunch anxiously forward, but Phil shakes his head, he can't make out a word. He pushes himself up and edges out the booth.

"Look, my signal's practically gone... I'm going outside alright, then you'll have to start over..."

Tense, I watch him pass the lot at the bar. They straighten in interest and I can but imagine the darkness in Phils' face. But nothing happens. He keeps walking and I dare to relax. But I can't take my eyes from the sickening group. The one in the middle is also on the phone, and the tall, bald one on the edge is looking right at me. I feel ill, he's reading me, he's working me and I don't know why. I just know something bad's about to happen and I'm gonna be the last person that knows what. Unable to take it, I grab my bag and head for the door, needing to be beside my darlin', to know he's ok.

But before I've even moved a step away from the booth, the one in the middle has hung up and is whispering to the one on the edge. And suddenly, five pairs if stony, unfeeling eyes are upon me, five cruel smiles reserved for me. The one on the edge raises his drained pint glass in my direction, taunting me in one repulsive toast. Then they head, like a pack towards the door, and I know. In one sickening jolt of my stomach, making my legs go weak in fear, I know exactly what's going to happen. And I can't let it.

I race over, bile rising in my throat as all these terrifying thoughts whir. They make no sense, they hurt and yet still my throat is dry and tight with the realisation of my fate.

"April Brooks isn't it?" the tall one asks. Everything about him repulses me and I haven't even got the strength to nod, feeling sicker and sicker as the other four begin to laugh, a cold taunt held in their tones.

These are Jacks men. I know it and worse, Phil doesn't know it. And I know now that they are going for my husband on the instruction of this one monster, because I so thoughtlessly refused his dirty request. I thought self-respect could see me through, but what good is self-respect to anyone if it's thanks to these five men that I raise my children a widow?

"Tell him I'll do it. Leave my husband alone... go back to your boss and tell him... I'll do what he asked."


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed. Again I appreciate every single one of them :)**

* * *

**AJs P.O.V**

I'm filthy. The sordid plans have been made. And I stand, in front of the full-length mirror in the bedroom; the bedroom I share with my soulmate, the bedroom where our new child is going to sleep in its cot, and I'm staring piteously at my falsified reflection, trying to find just one aspect of it I can appreciate. But there's nothing. How can there be when every powdered coat upon my face is there to conceal a whore.

Phil, my darlin' Phillip lived in a fear he could never be more than a killer. And yet, he is my world, the father of the child I so desperately want to see him hold and adore. That's why I'm doing this. My knees are weak and I just want to collapse in the warmth, the safety of our bed and cry til I lose consciousness. But I can't. This is why I'm knowingly tainting the perfection of being his wife.

My tears are falling faster than I can even attempt to apply my makeup, great black rivers staining my caked face. And I'm praying for the forgiveness of those at all sides.

"You'll forgive Mommy won't you baby?" I whisper desperately to my stomach. "She's doing this for you and your brother and sisters. You and your daddy, you deserve each other. I can't let anyone take him away from us."

And that is the sole reason my legs have not yet given way beneath me. Because I'd do anything to protect my love. Even this.

I'm heading for Scarlet. And it's there that Jack wants us to- Oh, I know he hates me, really hates me, but at least this... atrocity isn't going to survive in anyone's bed. I was so afraid he'd demand to come here because he knows that, for Phils sake... he'd have left me with no choice. I'd have had to agree. My bed, my beautiful bed, holding safe the memories of all the times Phil and I have made love together. There, each and every time was meaning. But this... this is hollow. It means nothing but the chance for this baby and our childre to one day ask Daddy for a cuddle and know they will never be refused. That's everything to me.

But still, I just can't keep the nausea down. This time, it's not an ill-feeling. It's too intense to remain so concealed. It is an actual physical state and I find myself hurtling to the bathroom, throwing myself down against the bowl of the toilet and being violently sick.

And I haven't even left the house yet.

I'm almost sent reeling once again as there comes an anxious rapping on the door. I'm frightened, even by such a timid sound.

"April? Honey, are you ok?"

_Oh God. I thought he was still immersed in the baseball, he wasn't supposed to hear me, not like this..._

Sluggishly, I pull myself up, leaning heavily against the sink as I pull back the door of the medicine cabinet and begin to reapply my faithful mask of make-up, somehow hiding every treacherous tear with a shaky hand.

"April!"

"I'm fine, it's fine..." I insist, my voice a little too high and forced to be convincing, but then I am slightly preoccupied with scubbing at my teeth and tongue with my toothbrush, hoping to remove some of the vile taste with the minty froth. But as I spit it down the sink... it's scarlet. My gums are bleeding.

I give my needy mouth one last swill, my stomach simultaneously tight with guilt and nerves as I am well aware Phil hasn't moved an inch from the other side of the bathroom door.

"See?" I say, smiling bravely as I'm drawn into his beautiful eyes, shimmering with the kind of concern only a lover could know. "I'm fine."

"You... You sounded like you were being sick..."

"Well, I am pregnant Phillip." I tell him simply, hating that my tone makes him out to be an idiot when he's anything but. Oh God, if he knew the real reason... no. No, he never will.

"Yeah, I know..." he murmurs gently, splaying my fingers and caressing my wedding ring affectionately before locking our hands together. "...but maybe you should call Kaitlyn? Cry off... let me look after you for once..."

Oh, the idea is so... tender and perfect, I want to throw my arms around him and beg him never to let me go, or give up loving me like he does right at this moment. But I can't. Because if I dare, he won't be here for me to beg at all. And I just cannot risk that. I need and love him way too much.

"No. No, I'll be fine, honestly."

Phil bows his head, gazing down at my stomach as he presses his hand gently into it. "I just about trust Kailtyn. Just make sure they take care of you both yeah? Because you, the kids and this one in here... are the most important things in the world to me..."

"So what about the baseball?"

"Agh-" he winces, the smallest of smiles taking his lips as he presses them momentarily to mine (and God, he tastes so sweet. I just don't deserve it. I don't deserve any of it!) ", we're not going anywhere, whereas us-"

"I love you baby." I blurt suddenly.

"Where did that come from?"

"I just... needed you to know it, that's all."

"Yeah?" he questions softly, kissing me again. "So you want to know something too?"

"Mmmm..."

"You look fuckin' beautiful."

No! He's complementing the mask of a traitor, the costume of a whore. Why can't he see the truth? Why does he have to crucify me like this in his innocence?

"No I don't..."

"Yes, you do. Now shut up, because you're out-numbered. Our son has spoken-" And he pointedly presses a little harder into my stomach as he guides me towards the door.

"Daughter..."

"Son!"

"Daughter!"

"Go already!" Phil chuckles, leaning against the door, adorning with one last soul-destroying kiss. It's never going to feel the same again, I just know it. "Have fun sweetheart..."

* * *

_Fun. _Oh if only. Stumbling into Scarlet, the wind is stabbing at me like a million deserving little knives. And to walk into the club, looking round and seeing everything. I'm suffocating. My chest is caving in, I can't breathe and I want to turn around and run home. But I keep moving down into the cramped and smoky bar because I know, if I run now, I'm never going to have a home again.

"April!"

Hearing Jack call me so brightly from one end of the bar, where he's... _serving_- oh God, he's been waiting for me - I bite deep into my lip, feeling the taste of blood rise in my mouth. Despite the stifling temperature in here, a chill rockets down my spine and I instinctively pull my jacket tighter around myself, wanting to hide myself from this sordid suggestion, to just pretend it'll go away.

"Come on through!" he calls, jerking his thumb towards the door that opens out on the corridor to the office. I bolt down there before he has even left the bar, without really knowing why, perhaps I want this all to just be over. The sooner it's done, the sooner I can begin to kid myself I've forgotten about it and refocus my attentions on my precious family.

I almost fall off balance as the door clicks shut behind me. There's Jack, stood tall and looking so repulsive and smug, I could hit him.

"Drink?"

I scowl.

"Oh sorry... I forgot. Baby. Everything alright there?"

"Don't you **dare **talk about my baby. Don't even think about it. We both know that's not what I'm here for."

His smirk flickers proudly. "No, of course it's not. But I have to say April, I really didn't expect you to show. I thought you might want to see out the rest of your days with Phillip with a little bit of... dignity!"

"Shut **up**!" I scream. "You know damn well if I hadn't agreed to this then Phil would already be dead. Your fucking monkeys would have killed him last night! So let's just get this over with, c'mon!"

His lips straighten and he shrugs nonchalantly, mumbling; "What the lady wants-"

"I don't want any of this! All I want is to keep my family together. So you can have my last shreds of dignity Jack, you can get yourself a cheap thrill, but you will _never _touch my family!"

But that doesn't mean he won't touch me. Because we both know he has to. His rough hands feel like a disease against my skin. He shoves me hard against the wall, but I hold in my whimper of pain. He'll never hear it, I'll never let him feed me off like this. I hear him wrench at his fly and turn my head away in disgust. It's like... hearing someone loading the barrel of a gun, just to know they're going to raise to my head. But even that... it's a better fate than this.

It's agonising as he enters me. I don't want this. I want to go home. But it's too late. I'm that whore now, with this animal's rancid breath warming my neck as burning tears gush from my sorry eyes. And in my shattered mind; I'm repeating the same vows, the same promises, over and over, just waiting for it all to be done.

_I'm so sorry._

_Forgive me._

_I love you._

_I'll never stop loving you_.

* * *

**Punks P.O.V**

Oh God, that was painful. Never, ever have the Cubs played that bad in their whole existence. What the hell was wrong with the bastards? A game like that would drive you to alcohol, and seeing as though that isn't an option for me I might just have to punch the wall and then burst into tears. Except, as I look at the clock, I realise April's been gone a little over an hour, and I seriously miss her. I wish she hadn't gone. I'm pretty sure we could have had ourselves a better time. I'm cruel, I know, but I can't help but hope she'll get bored and come home to me - after all, it's no fun being the only sober one when everyone around you gets rat-arsed.

Sighing, I go and grab a can of Pepsi from the fridge and sink in defeat back against the sofa. But I don't even like the taste of the pure liquid against my tongue anymore - I'm just too damn gutted.

Relief floods through me as my phone burst into life on the arm-rest. I don't give much thought to the idea that it might be Candice calling because I need too much for it to be April.

Except, as I lift it up to look at the display, I don't recognise the number. I figure I may as well answer anyway, it's not like I have anything better to do and I might have fun hurling abuse at some double-glazing salesman working over-time. Where do those kind of people find your number anyway?

"Yep?"

"Uh... Phillip?"

At least, I think that's what she says. It's manic, all I can hear above the tone of whoever this woman is; because I'm pretty sure I don't recognise her is... God knows what. It sounds like she's in the middle of a rave or something - music pounding, people laughing and demanding drinks. For a moment, my stomach lurches in fear and I'm being tormented by images of April, passed out or in agony in the middle of some club. She promised me she'd take it easy! Oh God, what if she's in hospital? I pull myself up in a panic, ready to race wherever I have to make sure she and the baby are OK. If anything's happened to either of them, I will never...

"What is it?"

"Look, sorry to disturb you-" she yells down the line, apparantly having no other way to make herself heard over her background noise. "-it's Amy."

_Who?_

"I work in Scarlet, and well... Your wife April..isn't it? She's had a small accident here and she's asking for you."

God, I knew I shouldn't have let April go out to that stupid club. Panic rises inside me and my chest constricts painfully. I jump up in a flash ingnoring the dizzy spell as I get to my feet. Charging around the living room, looking for the essesntials. _Where are my fuckin' car keys?_

"Is she alright? FUCK!" I say, desperation in my voice. "Is April alright?"

"Phil calm down, April is fine, just a little trip. We have her sat in the back office. She's asking for you to come collect her."

"Tell her I'll be there ASAP, ok?"

And I hang up, trying to tell myself that everything's going to be ok. It was just a trip. She was concious and asking for me. That was a good sign.

I walk straight out the door, pulling my keys out of my pocket as I go to the car. I stand stock-still for a moment as I try to calm myself down. I defiantely did not want to get into a car wreck. Looking around. I used to hate this place, for all the pain it caused us, again and again and then, the way everyone, everything seemed so desperate to keep April and me apart. And now, I can stand here, savouring the look of the place, the dirtied breeze upon my face. Because, for the first time in my life, it's all ok. I'm finally someone. Just like everyone else - a normal guy.

I walk steadily over to the club. I don't appreciate the look of it so much. The new owner had no taste what so ever. I bound down the stairs and catch sight of who must be Amy, a whole crowd's worth of orders going right over her head she is so flustered as she tries to keep up. I push my way through, ignoring every single dirty look that comes my way.

"Amy!" I call loudly.

She looks as though she flinches in fright, but then she looks up, sees me and smiles gratefully. "Phil, thank God!" And she happily steps out the way so I can get to my wife. The crowd reluctantly disperses as I straighten up with it. But they don't give up yelling orders at the poor cow.

"Five minutes!" I yell to them, intentionally bashing the loudest and rudest of the bastards as I make my way past. He doesn't look too happy about it, but I think he knows he doesn't want me getting in his face.

I move down towards the office, Amy leading the way.

"Great. Thanks." I turn away, but a thought strikes me and I go back, questioning; "The boss at home?"

She shrugs. "Not as far as I know. He said he had business to take care of, but- I only clocked on a minute ago, I haven't checked. No, because that bloody Vinny just pisses off shift without changing the bloody barrel!"

I leave her to it. I know what women get like when they're off on a rant. So I go down to the office. There's no-one stood outside playing at being his Rotweiller, so I guess it's situation vacant. Shame really.

I push cautiously down on the door handle. The door opens and I just go straight in.

I wish I hadn't. Because there's no way to comprehend the sight that greets me. All at once, there's so many emotions... I can feel nothing. All I know is that the "boss" has definitely finished his "business" for tonight. Because he's not even interested, _irritated _by my presence. He's too busy doing up his fly.

And April's too busy pushing down her skirt...

The bulk of the man turns to me, smirking that oh so familiar smirk. The one I see everyday in the mirror.

"Jack?" My eyes widen in horror.

"What the **fuck** is going on?"


	5. Chapter 5

**So things have turned ultra dark in the last few chapters and will continue to do so for the next couple. If you're a kissy kissy, rainbows and hearts and all is well kind of person these chapters are not really for you. And if you love the angst then, dead on. Thank you all for reading and the reviews :)**

* * *

**Punks P.O.V.**

April looks utterly terrified. And rightly so. This would have been the last thing she wanted to have her husband walk in on such a sordid little scene. I know the truth of it is obvious, but I just can't bring myself to register it, to accept it as the truth. Why... Why would she be here? With him? Like this? I don't understand, but then, I don't think I'd ever want to. Because me, I'm sick. With anger, with disbelief, with fear.

"Phillip my boy, Long time no see!" Jack says brightly, lifting his eyes from the occupation of his gaping fly, so evidently fuckin' thrilled to see me here. "I don't remember asking you in. This is _my _office now!"

"Yeah?" I blast furiously, shoving past him and dragging a whimpering April up from the sofa. "And this is my **wife**, so I'd say we're quits now wouldn't you?"

He shrugs, and I have to look away, feeling the every emotion swell painfully in my chest. I'm going to kill him. I know it.

But April can't even hold her own weight. Maybe she's just as sickened as I am, sickened at herself, at what she's done. Because when I ask her to spell this mess out to me, I know, I just know, she's not going to be able to deny it. She sags against me, and somehow, my first instinct is to move away, but of course, I'm there, I keep her on her feet, my hand still around her wrist, tighter and tighter as my frustration builds.

"What are you _doing _here?" I whisper, just wishing I had the energy to shout and curse at the top of my lungs. This is worse. Even to my ears, I sound like I'm pleading with her.

She forces her eyes shut for a moment as she gasps on a reluctant breath. "It's... not what it looks like..."

I laugh bitterly right in her face, flinging her away. "Maybe it's _exactly _what it looks like!"

I can't even stand to look at her, turn around and leave. I can't stand this tiny, stifling, filfthy space. I need to get out, my head needs to stop throbbing so fuckin' much - I need air. I storm back into the bar, Amy calling; "Well, Did you find her?" I don't stop. "Phil?"

"Oh I found her alright, darlin'!" I return, my throat dry and tight with just the effort of speaking. I want to crawl away and die.

But, instead, it's all I can do to keep walking. And suddenly, every inch of this place looks as miserable and cruel as it ever has. Someone, somewhere... oh God, they must **really **hate me.

"**Phillip!**"

I close my eyes painfully, needing to block her out. I walk faster, needing more than I can possibly understand to escape her. The one person I really thought I could have stuck by our whole lives. Us. Together... me and April. I really believed she was pure. Got a past sure, but so's everyone. To me, she was perfect and now she's... oh fuck, I don't know what she's done.

But I can still hear her behind me, as much as I wish I couldn't. Her heels, slamming again and again against the drenched, pot-holed roads. She's chasing after me, and what for? To make her excuse, to pretend she can make this better in a few hollow words? I want to pretend I'm ok, but I'm in pieces without even allowing myself to recognise the whole truth. I mean, I know it, it's making these thousands of hot tears pour down my face, but I can't ever let it sink in or...

"Phil, _please_!"

My train of thought is shattered as she slams into me. I feel her and throw her off immediately, whirling around in accusation, repulsion alive in my entire body.

"Get **off **me!" I holler.

"**Please!** Just let me _explain_!"

"You reckon you can do you? Well save it April, I'm not interested in anything you've got to say alright? It's all filthy lies! _You're_ contaminated and I **don't **want you anywhere near me!"

She sniffs back her tears and I turn my back and keep on going, with absolutely no idea where it is I'm actually heading. Anywhere she isn't. Anywhere I won't have to think about... anything... _ever._But still she follows.

"Tough!" she declares coldly. "I need you to hear me out alright? I need you to let me explain..."

I slow up, staggered, and she stands shivering in front of me. I look her up and down in disgust, taking in everything. Her messed hair, her make-up ruined by tears, her rumpled clothes. And I feel like the world's biggest, most pathetic fool. Because I told her she looked beautiful earlier. I really believed it. Everything about her was taking my breath away. And now I know, feel sick at realising that it was all for Jack.

"What's there to explain?" I hiss coldly. "You just fucked my so called father?"

"No..." she gulps miserably, shaking her head furiously. "...it isn't like that..."

"Isn't it? Well, it looks that way to me. You're just like everyone else. I never thought you could be but... you are. You're just another cheap little slut that's so _desperate_-"

"No! You don't understand! It wasn't by choice-"

I laugh coldly. My God, I just caught her fresh from fucking another man and... she's _already _pregnant. "Well, that much is obvious..."

Again, I laugh, looking piteously down on the band on my finger. " I waited _years_ for you April... to marry you and for **what**? For you to go and knock off the local two-bit gangster. My precious father. The man that apparently made your skin crawl? Do you remember that April?"

Her wide eyes brim with tears. "No. **No**."

"Then _what_?" I demand angrily.

But she looks guiltily down, begins playing with her hands, twisting her wedding ring along her finger. She should pull it off and throw it away. It's not like it means anything anymore. Maybe it never did.

It's like she's kicking me, over and over in the stomach. It feels like she hates me. She's made me doubt everything I was so certain I knew to believe in. _Everything._

"The baby.. is it _mine_?" I spit. "Or have you really had Jack and God knows who else on the go for so many months that you're not sure anymore?"

I feel it before I really know what's happened. This force against the side of my face, immediately red and stinging. And as I look at her, I see the flash of anger in her eyes, knowing that mine is a million times stronger. She's ruined us. The one thing that ever meant anything to me. She's ruined it and I hate her. And when you hate someone this intensely, the only thing to do is let them know it. You have to, or else it's only going to eat away inside of you, and maybe I just have nothing left.

She screams in pain as I strike her face, not even thinking. It was just a reaction, I needed to cause her pain. But as she straightens up, nursing her smarting cheek, hot tears soothing it as they pour from her frightened eyes, I realise, with a shudder of repulsion what it is I've done. I swore to her, after that one mad time, that I would never, ever consciously raise my hand to her. But that was when I thought I knew her. Now I don't. And I'm so disgusted at both myself and her, I can barely speak; my shattered voice nothing but a bereft whisper as she stares at me, stunned and shaking.

"Look what you made me do..."

* * *

**AJs P.O.V.**

Even as the tears fall, as my cheek stings, as I can't believe what Phil just did, I know that I have no choice but to accept it. He looks... appalled and I just don't know whether it's at himself, or at me. Because I deserve it, whatever his promises, whatever his guilt... it's my fault. But if he'd just let me tell him the _truth_...

He turns and goes. He can't stay, he can't keep looking at me. I disgust him. And I disgust myself. He said I was contaminated. And he's right. My flesh is crawling with guilt and the filth of this betrayal. I can't stop shivering, convulsing even. I feel like I'm going to be sick. But it's all I can do to race after him. Whatever I've done, he has to know my reasons. He has to know I can't lose him.

And I know that that was all Jack Brooks ever wanted. He wants us to feel loss, he wanted me to be the one to hurt my beautiful husband in the worst possible way. But he has to realise why. I'd rather hurt him twice over than know it was my fault he... oh God, I can't even think it. But as I stood there, feeling dirty and cruel, Jack just pulled at his clothing, smoothing out imaginary creases as he smirked towards the floor. So pleased at having damaged my marriage, maybe even beyond repair. And it was my choice to let him do it.

I just keep going, my muscles creaking and aching as I race, never losing sight of Phil who's just... so _desperate _to get away from me.

"Phil, _please_!"

"Leave me **alone **April!"

"We have to talk! You know we do!"

He swings around of his heel, his eyes alive with the shimmer of accusation, his lips twisted in mocking. "Do we? Really? See... I reckon a picture paints a thousand words - that's how it goes isn't it? And you and Jack, you made it a fuckin' ugly picture, cheers _sweetheart'_."

He spits the last word out venomously and I flinch, so sickeningly sure he's never going to say it, never going to mean it with the same affection again.

Phil rams his key in the lock of the front door and storms through without slamming it shut. He throws it back and I have to fight my way past before it slams shut. I have to keep chasing him, I have to keep fighting - I have to make him see.

"Phillip!" I repeat for what feels like the thousandth time, my throat raw with the pain and effort of even raising his name. "Darlin', please-"

"**Don't**!" he yells. "Don't you _dare_ call me "darlin'" like I mean _anything_ to you! You threw me away the _second _you walked into that club and gave out to my pissin' father!"

"It wasn't like that!" I protest desperately, my tears taking me over in hot, treacherous waves that make me shudder. "What do I have to get you to let me explain? Beg?"

His eyes snap coldly to my face, every muscle in his face unmoved as he glares at me. "I don't know. Did you beg for him?"

I scowl. "Don't be so **disgusting**!"

"Disgusting?" he challenges. "I'll tell you what's disgusting. Walking into that office and finding him all over my wife. And do you know what I was doing there? I was told by his barmaid that you had been in an accident and that you wanted me to come collect you; She's like you because she's probably sleeping with him aswell!"

"I'm not _sleeping _with him!"

"Oh no? So what were you doing then? Balancing the books? Him with his fly open and you with your skirt up fuck knows where?"

"It was just once..."

Phil spits out a scornful laugh that makes me cold. "Is that supposed to make me feel _better_?"

"No. No of course not. But if you'll just tell me how I can do that... I swear to you, I will. I'll do anything."

He lifts his stubbly chin defiantly as he forces in his next breath, a coldness in his eyes that says he's never likely to believe my sincerities again.

"Then stop crying." he snarls. "_Now_."

Shamefully, I bow my head and wipe at my streaming eyes, my fingertips blackened by my ruined make-up. Sniffling and painfully gulping down my next rising sob, I kid myself that I'm strong enough to meet his eye again.

"And tell me why. Tell me **why **you've done this to us."

I almost laugh, a strangled effort it hurts to hear. I wish I knew where to start. It's all I can manage to whimper; "I did it for you..."

"**Me?** You... cheat on me... you _betray_ me - and I'm supposed to be _grateful_? What the hell are you on April?"

"You don't understand!"

"Then **make **me understand, come on!"

And he comes towards me, his hands against my shoulders, trying to shake an answer out of me. My tears return in a frightened burst. He doesn't chastise for that, because I can see in my regretful blur that his face is glistening with his own tears. I've devestated him.

"Do you know what you've done? Do you? You've torn my fuckin' _heart _out. I was supposed to know you April... it was supposed to be you and me and the kids... forever."

And that word, delivered amongst his pain, it's enough to make me wish I didn't exist I hate myself so damn much.

"But I don't know you do I? Because my wife... she'd never be as _devious_ and _cheap _as this! You've made me doubt everything and you... us... it's the one thing I've always believed in and you've destroyed it. You've destroyed it all!"

"No!" I sob, my chest so tight and painful. "I haven't... I can't have!"

"You **have**! I thought we were solid. No secrets, no lies, not after everything. But tonight... you smashed _everything _to pieces."

"**No**!"

"Yes! You think... we can be ok after this, that we can be _anything_? You make me sick - I can't even stand to look at you! I mean, Jack, April - my fuckin' _father_, why did it have to be him? Anyone but him! I thought, if anything, I married a woman with class. But you're just another whore!" He leans right in my face, sneering; "My fathers' **whore**."

It's an instinct to shove him away. And I shouldn't, I should keep it in, but he's winding me up because he doesn't know...

I scream it. I have to. He has to know the truth.

"I've just saved your **life**!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing :)**

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**Punks P.O.V.**

"What?"

And that's all I can say. That's all April's reduced me to as she stands there, shaking like she might be sick. But I can't care, not anymore. Because this hurts too much, every damn thing about it and then... she goes and screams that. What else am I supposed to say? It's not like it's going to leap out and make sense for me.

She coughs miserably, like she's used all her energy in this one revealation. Or maybe that's not what it is. maybe it's a cover-up. Maybe she's by now this desperate to get out of this.

And though I told her to stop, as she gasps in a painfully sharp sounding breath, her face is still stained with tears, more brimming so readily in her eyes.

"Jack was going to have you killed!"

I scoff, dismissing her perhaps a little too quickly. "Oh, do me a favour!"

"I just _did_!" she cries out, doubling over with her tears. "And if I hadn't, you'd have been dead by New Year, he would have made sure of it! Do you think I could stand that? Do you really think I could live with that?"

I turn away, muttering; "If you can live with this..."

"I **love** you! And when I said "for as long as we both shall live!" or whatever the _hell _it was, I was kinda hoping we'd at least get to ten years!"

I roll my eyes. "Being a bit optimistic there aren't you love?"

She shoots me a dangerous, almost _accusing _look and I get this stirring inside that wants to know where the hell she got her nerve from.

"I'd do **anything** for you! This was Jack's price and I paid it so don't you _ever_..." She narrows her now cold-seeming eyes, like she's trying to work me out or something. "What's the **matter** with you? I mean... for God's sake - do you think I _enjoyed _it?"

I stop dead, a cold shiver pulsing painfully up my rigid spine. "Since you're asking-" I hiss. "-yeah, I do!

My words have cut right at her, it's easy to see that as she blanches at her quivering lip. "You want to know what it was like?" she challenges viciously, flinging her hair back from her face. "You _really_ want to to know?" And she pauses, just for one cold moment. "It was like being **raped**. I didn't want him... I didn't want him anywhere _near_ me, let alone... touching me! And you're right! I **am** contaminated. By him... my flesh is crawling with it. I feel like I'm never going to be _clean _again! But it... it doesn't matter. Because even though you hate me... it means you're alive. That's all that matters."

"To you maybe..."

"Please Phil..., you don't know how sorry I am."

"That's because you're not. You've just saved my life... that's what you're saying isn't it?"

April gulps down her next sob. "And that... I swear to you... that was the _only _reason- God, just the thought of you lying in some gutter somewhere-"

"I don't want to hear you were thinking of me! Not when he's-"

"Don't!" she advises anxiously, shaking her head sadly. "You just need to know that I did it because I couldn't lose you."

I laugh. I can't help it. Does she really believe in all this shit she's coming out, thinking I'll buy it, thinking it's going to make this whole agony any better?

"What makes you think you _haven't _lost me?" I demand bitterly. And she flinches. I reckon she can see the threat of it in my face.

"Because I... Because I can't! I just **can't**!"

"Then maybe you should have thought about that!"

"Do you think I've _stopped_?"

I shrug. "Well yeah, I suppose you must have. I'm interested now; come on, how long did he last?"

She looks away in disgust, fresh tears sliding on her face as they slide down. She sniffles, determined not to answer me.

"I'm not going to let him do this to us. He wants to take everything from me. I let him steal away my last shreds of dignity Phil, just to keep you alive! I let him violate me so I could still be your wife and not your fucking _widow_. He's not stealing you too! Not now!"

"Are you even _hearing_ yourself?" I thunder. "What the hell do you _want_, April - gratitude? Well, you're not going to fuckin' _get_ it! And do you want to know why? Because I'd rather **be** dead than spend every night of the rest of my life too scared to close my eyes in case I see... _that_. You and him. You should have just let him come after me!"

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**AJ P.O.V.**

I reel back, feeling sickened just to hear the words, to see in his face that he so definitely means it. My next sob swells so readily in my raw throat, I can barely breathe as I look at him. But he can't maintain the eye contact, his lips thin, his face ashen. He turns on his heel and walks steadily away from me. And I can read in the tension of his back that's all he needs to do. He doesn't need _me_.

But still, I'm praying in my shattered heart that all these words; they're coming out in anger, in pain I knowingly caused him. I know it all, and I'll regret it til my dying day, but that's the whole damn _point_! It's not supposed to be for another forty-odd years for either of us. For God's sake, we have children to raise. He can't have forgotten that, and I'll never believe he's given up caring. Not for his babies.

I find him, sat on the sofa, hunched forward, his head in his hands. And as he hears my hesitant footsteps behind him, I see how he tenses. it's like he's angry with me just for being there. He probably is. I see there's no way he could want me here... so close when I have made myself so filthy. He lifts his head without turning to look at me, just sighing, like he's disappointed to realise I'm still here.

"You... You don't mean that. I know you don't."

He turns in a whirl, rumpling the throw on the couch. But it's not that that takes my attention. It's the way his facial muscles are scrunched in such horrified disbelief.

"Do you? Well, good for you darlin' yeah, because me? I don't know anything anymore."

And he pushes against his knees to pull himself to his feet, pacing anxiously, like some caged animal as he tries to find something in the room to focus on.

I fight for all my strength to move forward, to say the words that are lodged painfully in my throat.

"You can say what you like about me. Hate me, curse me..."

"I do. Oh **Fuck**, I do."

I freeze, closing my eyes tight shut to force away the words. But they're not leaving, hovering viciously in the cool air around me.

"...and if you don't... _can't _love me anymore then... then I know it's only because it's all I deserve."

"Oh, so we _are _singing from the same hymn sheet then? I was really beginning to wonder..."

I raise my shaking palms, drenched with sweat, needing to hold of the venom of his words. I'll take them for all he intends, just... not now. He has to let me get these words out before they choke me.

"Just shut up, Phil. Shut _up _and just for a second think about the baby, our kids..."

Cautiously, full of the fear that he's going to rightfully lash out and strike me again, I step up behind him, reaching around his rigid form for his hand. He does flinch in repulsion and that in itself hurts, but... what else is there to expect after what I've done? He just lets me pull him round to face me, looking me critically up and down?

"The baby?" he echoes viciously.

He's making me begin to tremor with nerves and I never thought I'd ever again find myself frightened of my lover. But like I said, it's all I deserve. I deserve it all. So I take a deep, steadying breath and nod, casting my eyes down. And I'm so surprised to feel his hands, warm and gentle against my stomach that I begin to shake all the more.

"My baby." he murmurs passionately. "Inside you... like Jack, was inside you!"

I shudder but reach down, laying my hands over his, unable to lose the feel of his touch now. "**No!** Phillip, please! The baby... it's one thing that can never change! It's in here and it's _ours_! Mine and yours... and I know whatever you think of me, you could **never **walk away from this baby and our children. You made them, and whatever you say now, I know you want this baby as much as me!"

He holds on, spluttering on a sob that I think was supposed to be passed off as laughter. I almost relax. And then...

"My **baby**! Trapped between you and my father as he's... as you're **letting** him! How... How could you _do_ that to our baby April? What kind of mother _are _you?"

The tears scorch my face as they pour down. He's breaking my heart... stamping all over the shattered pieces.

"The kind of mother that won't let her children grow up without a father. They will forgive me..."

"Oh you reckon do you?"

I nod certainly. "As soon as they understand what a perfect dad you are. As soon as they know what it means to have you hold them... just... _being _there! I couldn't jeopardise that darlin', you must know I couldn't. It's all I've wanted to see you, you and your... your son... your daughters! You deserve this baby..."

"It's more than you do..."

As I speak next, I lie. But I have nothing left. "You can't hurt me like this anymore Phil alright, it's not going to work! This child's going to love you as much as we do... you don't have to believe me, but... when I see the love in your eyes, I'll know I did the right thing; even if you can never bring yourself to look at me again. Because I know that you and this baby, you're going to be everything to each other and _that's _why I did this!"

He just glares at me, unmoved, his once beautiful eyes stony and unregistering. So I throw myself at his mercy, realising that through all this, he hasn't wrenched his hand back from my stomach, somehow with the animation remaining inside him to idly caress my stomach. He's mumbling and I can feel that he's incoherently whispering promises to save his child from within the evils of its own mother.

He really does hate me. But... But...

"Let me say one last thing to you please. Then you can... shout and scream... tell... tell me we're over... just- think about it from my point of view? If I'd really done what you've said I should... if I'd really just stood back and let time go by, knowing that for every day I was losing you, that Jack was going to have you murdered, for real this time... your baby would still have been growing inside me. And I... I would have buried you...properly. I would have had to do all this on my own, raising them. And I would have been just as guilty as I am now. Because one day, this baby would have been a little boy or girl, wanting to know where Daddy was, why you'd never taken them to the park or read them a bed-time story? And how can I ever have looked our children in the eye and told them what had happened to you? How could I have told them that you'd never come home, knowing that I could have stopped it? That is what I could **never** have lived with! So **please**, will you at least _try_ to understand why I did this? As far as me, this baby and our children were concerned, there was **no** alternative."


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you for reading and reviewing :)**

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**Punk P.O.V.**

I despise the sheer brutality of her words. With every one of them, she's trying to hammer home a point I just can't hear. Because it all comes back to the one despicable thing for me. She slept with Jack. Nothing else can get past that. Guilt's a second-hand emotion anyway - don't I know that? You only feel it because you know you've done something you shouldn't, but that's the whole point. You feel it afterwards, which means you still did it, whether it was leaving a bullet in someone's face or letting them... letting them...

Just the thought of it, never mind the image; one so repulsive I know it is going to haunt me forever, it makes me want to be sick. Never... Never did I think I could miss Jack's absent face, the glimmer of all that blood. Right up until this night, I could still wake up terrified at realising it was no dream, no nightmare, that I really did do all that. But recently, it's mattered less. Because I've woken up and April's been there beside me, loving me in spite of it all. I really, truly believed that. But now I know I'm nothing but a fool - and I hate her for doing that to me.

So I turn on her, unable to ward the scowl from my lips. My stomach churns with nausea just to look at her, a face I once thought so flawlessly beautiful, stained with regretful tears like that's supposed to make it any easier for me to forgive.

"He still touched you." I hiss viciously, pacing around her, almost gratified to see the way her sobs make her shake so miserably as she stands there, hunched like a naughty school girl. I can't help but look her up and down again. _Why is her skirt so short... was she trying to entice him? Where did he touch? How? Maybe I've been doing something wrong all this time..._

"Go and clean his filth from your body. See if you can ever get it off!"

She shoves past me, apparantly desperate to take up the invitation as she races, sobbing even harder, towards the bathroom. I slam hard up against the wall, resenting her for being able to slam the bathroom door after herself and maybe vent some of her anger, her disgust when I cannot. What the hell is there for me to do? As ever, there remains just one answer - I need to make someone pay.

I pause purposely outside the bathroom, just listening. I can hear the water of the shower thundering down and I can hear wincing, over and over. April's undoubtedly burning all traces of that animal from her. She's crying. I know it. I learnt long ago to recognise the smallest signs. And I can just imagine her, stood stiff beneath the scalding spray, biting into her lip to keep back the sobs that will explode anyway. And I find with a flare of anger that I resent that too. Hidden away in there, she can cry. And I just know I'm never going to get that same release. Because this isn't what I'm supposed to do is it? So let her keep on crying, let it keep on tearing her open and maybe it'll hurt enough for the both of us!

I go back into the lounge, collapsing miserably back against the sofa. But as I dare to lift my head, buzzing with the effect of such thoughts, I realise there's only one thing looking back at me. All the unshed tears back my eyes itch as I swallow my next sob down uncomfortably and drag myself back to my feet, moving shakily across and tweezing the small card from the photo frame.

Fuck, it weighs down my hand like it's a gun. I place it heavily on the side, happily obscuring my wedding photo. Why do I have to see lies everywhere I look? I believed in all this. And this... shadowy figure lain out on a black background, it's the sole reason why. I'd like to think I'm seeing things but my hands still shake so much. I know I'm just kidding myself.

This isn't just a picture. It's a life... a life I helped create. And I thought I had reason, I really thought it meant something. Pure, just like I always thought April was. There was no other way I could have learned to love her as much as I do. And why? What's it all about when I couldn't even save my baby from such degradation? What April does is April's choice... but the baby had no damn choice at all. They went where she went. _To Jack._

And I can't pretend anymore. I'm crying. Truly, desperately crying, with no way or the strength to hold the bastard tears back.

I wipe my eyes furiously by instinct, but still I'm whimpering. "I'm sorry mate. Your dad's so fuckin' sorry. I- I didn't know, but... I never meant to let you down like this... I swear-"

I can't bear to hold it anymore, to look at the image. Because it just reminds me of how excited I was to pick out all the features for the first time, so fuckin' sure that everything in my life at last felt right. I didn't think I deserved it. Because I know I don't deserve this. I just wanted to love them. That was all I've ever wanted.

And now... it's gone.

I head towards the bedroom, sinking with a massive sigh onto the bed. I guess everything's going to come back to the thought of sex now isn't it? And how there's never going to be anything in it that actually means something ever again. Not after this. I close my eyes, barely pausing to breathe. I see no point. In fact, I can see nothing, only hear the continual pelt of the water falling from the shower-head. It's like my soundtrack, and it stops so abruptly, I jolt.

I reluctantly straighten my back. And I wait, just looking expectantly into the hall. The bathroom door creaks and I can almost taste the heat that escapes the place. Still I wait. And then, she creeps guiltily by, gasping in fright as she sees me there, sat so still it hurts. She falls back on her heel, even though it's obvious in her face she wants to keep on going. But the thing is, we both know she's got to come in here.

She just stares anxiously, her gaze questioning me as it dares to travel back up to my face. I shrug, dismissing her without words.

And there she stands, shivering in front of me, dripping wet and covered only by the thin sheet of her silky dressing gown. I press my hands around her waist. She flinches, and this reaction alone is enough to make me smile.

I move slowly down over her hips and back up again. I pull in an admiring breath as I look her in the eye, my hands moving around and drawing her that tiniest bit closer thanks to the sash.

It just comes out. In fact, the words are out before they register. But I sound so calm and decided, I know that it is definitely what I want.

"I want to see you."

April just looks down, terrified at the sight of my hand pulling tight on the sash, confused and understanding all at once. "Wh-What?"

"I want to see what this has turned you into. I want to _see_what he's done to you."

Her eyes are spilling over with tears of resignation immediately. She just stares at the ceiling, blinking every tear furiously back. She's not even questioning me. _She's actually going to let me do it._

And now, that just isn't enough. I pull back, letting the sash feed through my fist and rest against her as it should.

"You do it." I demand coldly, just not caring. It's her fault I'm all out of emotion to bestow. "You show me."

"Phil, please, I'm begging you... don't make me-"

"I'm not interested in begging. I'm interested in the _truth_. I _deserve _to be shown the truth."

But she just stands there and cries. So I push myself up, stroking hair back from her drenched face. She stiffens at my touch, recognising a false sense of security when she sees one.

"What's the matter sweetheart?" I say softly against her ear, the every falsified word making me feel all the more sickened. "You've never hidden from me before have you? What is it, are you ashamed?"

"Of _course _I'm ashamed!" she wails, her voice shattering as the sob that's been choking her for God knows how long breaks free. "I can't... please don't make me..."

And I'm thinking just one thing. Over and over. _Why couldn't she have just said that to Jack?_

"If you ever loved me..."

"You're... You're talking like I've stopped. And I'm _never_ going to stop; can't you see that's why I did this! I'm **never **going to stop!"

"So prove it. Prove yourself to _me_."

She's sobbing uncontrollably by now but I... just can't bring myself to care. There's only one thing I want to see. Her shivering hands fumble awkwardly with the sash, but somehow, she manages to loosen it, crying harder. She takes to re-examining the ceiling as she shrugs the dressing gown from her shoulders and the whole thing falls in a defeated heap on the floor. She's trying to block it out and damn her, I won't let her. Not when I'm in this much pain.

Although, I have to admit, her own looks like it might well be considerable. Because it's not just water trickling from her body. It's blood. There are tiny little wounds all over her body. And they're new, because they're still weeping. Every inch of her looks scorched and she has scrubbed and scoured at her body til she's bled. And I... I'm glad.

"I... thought you were so beautiful." I whisper honestly. "And I... would have gone on thinking it if only you _hadn't_-"

But I just can't carry on, forcing back the freshest wave of tears and forcing in a deep breath I don't want to breathe.

"So this is it then? This is what Jack's done to my wife."

I take her by the shoulders and she almost screams with the pain as my fingertips press carelessly into dozens of her wounds. But she can read my face an eagerness to know her pain as mine swells, so she bites it back.

And I'm not having that. I want to know her pain. I want to know that for some reason, any damn reason, she hurts as much as I do right now. So I move all around the weeping cuts, pressing them, my eyes automatically locking on hers to feed off her reaction. And still she resists me. So I press harder. And harder. Again. And again. Until... she screams, in agony... pleading with me.

"**Stop** it! Please, it hurts... it hurts so _much_!"

"Yeah?" I spit. "Well good! Because _you_... you've ripped me in half and _this_ is what it feels like! What it feels like to be **me**!"

She cries out, spluttering her worthless apologies but I don't care to hear them, shoving her blindly away. And as the man that never wanted to misplace a hair on her head, I'm not ashamed to say I just don't care as I hear her crash to the floor, howling as she scrambles for the dressing gown. As I look at her, all I know is, I'll never understand her again.

"Just get dressed."


	8. Chapter 8

**Alot of you are finding it difficult to grasp Punks sudden darkness. Just remember what kind of world he came from with a father like Jack. And I really need Punk to be a massive jackass with what's about to happen in the following chapters. I won't let you down. Things will come good..in the end. Thank you for reading and reviewing :)**

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**AJs P.O.V.**

I wish I could remember how. He turns and goes without so much as a backward glance and it's all I can do to cry. And I hate that. I hate it, because he told me to stop and I just can't. Everything hurts, every part of me stings and I... I feel broken. Exposed and violated. I feel like a victim, I truly do, and I never thought that could ever happen at Phils' hands, no matter what I learnt about him. Even when he told me what he did when he was one of Jacks men, even when he grabbed me by the throat, I was never his victim, ever. Because his anger, it had never truly been directed at me. I'd always just gotten in the way. I want to pretend that, with this, he might just want to hurt Jack, hate him. But I see it, I see it so painfully clear from my shattered baby's view-point. How can he not hate me just as much? Whatever my reasons, I still... sold the intimacy between us.

And I know, I know if I'd stood to lose him in this kind of way; if I'd found him wearing the ring I'd put on his finger while he... and some brainless, evil bimbo... I know I'd want to tear him open. Because I could never understand, when he had sworn so many times how much he loved me, how he could do that to me. I understand it all, I do. And that's why I'm curled up so pathetically here, my bare and bloody body covered by the thin sheet of my dressing gown, trying to cover myself as I shoke myself raw with these thousands of pouring, burning tears.

But what can I do? Sit here, sobbing myself into oblivion while Phil is out there, no doubt thinking himself stupid and with it, slipping further and further away. So I force myself to stem the tears and drag myself to my feet, wincing as the air licks at my every cut. It's with shaking hands I dress myself. And it makes me cry again just to look through my clothes. Every other garment, there's something Phil bought, something Phil enjoyed, something Phil has told me I looked beautiful in. And none of it, none of it is going to happen again.

I pull a thick black fitted hoodie over my head, wanting to hide every inch of myself away. I don't think I'll ever wear a skirt again, dive straight on a pair of black jeans before jamming my feet into my faithful chucks. I've never felt any smaller in my whole damn life, sniffling and edging guiltily into the lounge with my head bowed. There's a coldness about the place that makes me certain Phil is here, I don't even need to look up to be sure. I can feel his anger, his disappointment, his pain. It's all here and it's all because of me.

"What... What have I got to do Phil? What do I have to do to bring you back?"

He scoffs, laughing bitterly, not even lifting his head to recognise my presence as I edge around the sofa and stand in front of him. "What do you mean "back"? I'm not dead am I?"

I gasp painfully, his words sticking in my raw throat, no doubt exactly as he planned.

"And I've got you to thank for that, haven't I, sweetheart? Because you really would do anything for me right?"

"Anything!"

He bites into his lip as he takes in my response, nodding solemnly. "Except tell me the fuckin' **truth**!"

His hands are roughly around my jaw and he tilts my chin, forcing my gaze to his own as he watches my tears pour down.

"Please..." I plead weakly. "...baby, don't... don't-"

"No." he says coldly, pushing me back a little, edging us closer to the bedroom again. "There's nothing you can do anymore April. You've already lost me, and that's it. Everything... _Everything _is gone."

"No! That's not true! Phil, whatever happens, we've got the baby, our children, think about what this will do to them!"

"Yeah, but they haven't got us, have they? When you thought you were saving us tonight, you were actually destroying us... destroying _me_. So I'm gone. Right after I've had it out with a mutual friend of ours eh?"

My blood runs cold. Because I can read the absolute deadly seriousness in his eyes. "No! Phil, please, not Jack! Stay **away **from him!"

Accusation flares in his face. "Oh, so you're protecting him now?"

"I'm trying to protect **you**! Why can't you see that, you stupid, _stupid_ man? He threatened me Phil, alright? They found us. Found out you were alive and walking around. John came to warn me. Put his hands around my throat... he threatened me. He threatened you and with that, he threatened your baby, our kids! He meant it Phil... I was almost blacking out and I knew he meant it. They was going to steal you away from your own children, from _me_. I **hate **the bastard!"

"Yeah?" he hisses. "You've got a bloody funny way of showing it!"

"Yes, I know! So why can't you... take it out on me instead? Why can't _that _just be enough?"

He narrows his eyes, looking at me like I'm crazy. "Why should you take all that? Whatever I think of you, and believe me, that ain't much right now; it isn't just you is it? He made this happen to us... because you say he left you with no choice right? He forced it on you. He forced _himself _on you. And I'm going to kill him for that. I'm going to tear the lowlife scum into pieces!"

"Of course you are Phil! And what if he gets in there first eh? He knows we're here, tearing strips out of each other because you hate me and I love you! If you don't... then he's going to know you're coming and you'll be dead long before New Year - and I'm still never going to be _clean _again!"

"Oh what?" he thunders. "So you want me to stay away to make Jack worth your while?"

"I want you to stay away so I don't have to _bury_ you, you selfish bastard! You _can't_ leave me with that guilt on top of everything else Phillip... you can't. I... We _need _you!"

"Yeah? Well, maybe this is what **I **need."

And that's it. He shoves past me, heading straight for the door.

"Phil, **no**!"

I race after him, not knowing whether the door closes or not. I don't care. I just keep going, knowing that I just can't let him out of my sight.

"Go **home **April!"

"What, not knowing if I'll ever see you alive again?"

"I don't see what that matters to you anymore."

"I **love **you!" I scream, choking on my pulsing tears. "I'm carrying your child right now for God's sake!"

And for some reason, it's that that makes him slow up, rounding on me and scrutinising me with a cold amazement in his narrow eyes. "Yeah. Yeah you are. And right up until the second I saw you in that fuckin' club tonight, I really thought that meant something to you, something special."

"It does... oh God, it means _everything_."

He smiles weakly and I almost convulse because I just know he doesn't mean it. "Yeah? Then you best thank the poor little bastard, because they're the only thing that's stopped me _really_ hurting you. You, April! And I **never **wanted to hurt you... this is what you've made me into..."

And he keeps walking, ignoring me beside him for an agonising minute,everything's just a flurry around us - the club getting closer and closer...

Then, suddenly, with the most sickening lurch of my stomach, I realise it's stood in front of us, taunting us. There's a madness in Phils' eyes that says he's definitely taking up the invitation it throws out. And I'll do anything to keep him from going in there.

"Do it." I say bravely. He looks at me like I'm even more ludicrous. "I mean it. Hit me... punch me, whatever - it doesn't matter anymore. Do anything you want - just stay away from Jack!"

"You're unbelievable." he sneers. "You selfish **bitch**! You know I could... You know I _would_... if it weren't for the baby! But you don't even care about that do you?"

"What? Of course I do!"

"Then how come you're giving me the go-ahead?"

"Because you won't get near Jack, Phil. He's watching us, and you'll pay if you so much as try. I know it, you know it. And I _can't _let our children grow up without you!"

"So what?" he demands viciously. "I kill him, I kill you, I kill _it_? Nah. This isn't the kids fault. You might well have been waiting for the chance to tell me what a lousy husband I've been to you April, but I'm not giving my kids the chance to say Daddy failed them. Because I'm not going to. Now get out my way..."

* * *

**Punk P.O.V.**

There isn't much April can do to keep me back, and I find myself surrounded by the walls of the club, twice as stifling as it seemed to be when I left it. But I suppose then I was dazed, reeling. Now I'm just damn angry, and that's a definite emotion that can't be kept back. I look around the writhing crowd, trying to figure out the quickest way to get through them all and down to the office without being noticed. But as I crane my neck, Amy rushes to the nearest end of the bar, having caught sight of me.

"Phil!"

Reluctantly, I abandon my occupation and shove my way roughly through the crowd surrounding the bar, suddenly feeling a need to talk to her. I lean against the bar, smiling weakly as I lace my hands together on the top.

"Alright?"

"Well... that's what I was about to ask you. I couldn't help but hear... earlier... and your wife... she seemed really upset..."

I force away her words. "Did you get the barrel changed? Sorry, I didn't mean to run out on you like that, it was just-"

"Phil?" she presses, raising an eyebrow as she recognises I'm skirting. "April? Is she alright?"

I spit out a bitter laugh, lifting my head to look Amy in the eye and just come straight out with it. "Did Jack ask you to get me here earlier, Amy?"

She blinks. "What? No! What are you talking about?"

I bow my head again, staring at the bartop and somehow finding it hard to believe her. That in itself bloody hurts. How can I, as just one guy, be so damn unlucky as to be in _the_ place at _the _time?

"I caught your boss fucking my wife." I tell her bluntly, and she flinches.

"What? Jack... Jack & _April_? No, I don't believe it! She _wouldn't_."

"Well, she did. Suppose I should think myself lucky she chased after me right? But... I just wanna kill him Amy."

And I **hate **that sympathy sweeps over her face as my voice sways with the threat of tears. Just what I need - pity. I wipe at my eyes furiously, forcing in a deep breath. "Is he still in the office?"

She nods dumbly. "Well I didn't even know he was here in the first place did I? I suppose he must be."

"Right..."

As I straighten up, she lurches to grab my hand - to stop me going and stirring up trouble I guess. "Phil-"

I turn back and speak gently, pleading with her almost as I squeeze her hand back, almost by instinct, just grateful for someone's touch.

"I'm asking nicely, Amy. Just let me go and... stay away from the office yeah?"

She sighs, defeated as she draws back, releasing my hand. "Alright." she agrees, raising her palms. "I never saw you..."

And she moves away and goes to serve at the other end of the bar. I turn to my side and find April stood beside me, her breathing rapid and her face flushed like it's taken all her remaining energy to fight through these crowds and find me before it's too late. Her eyes are alive with fright and the way they're darting, she's questioning me without words.

"Save it." I sneer, pushing my way through and crashing through the door to the corridor.

I can hear the frantic noise of Aprils shoes on the sticky floor as still she tails me. "**Phillip!** For God's sake, just _think_ what you're doing will you? Think what he can do to you! This is why we're in this fuckin' mess... you have to leave well alone or... **please**!"

Through all her desperate pleading, I don't think she realises she's followed me right into the office. They say you should never return to the scene of a crime, and by the look of disgust, of terror on her face, I'd say April understands that pretty well. But there's something else to hold her attention, to steal all the will from inside of her. Me, I'm buzzing, the worst kind of buzz. The kind that'll make you sick until you act on it, until you go crazy.

And believe me, I will, because just the sight of Jack, fly presumably fastened by now, sat so casually behind his desk, the anger really is exploding. I'm forcing it down, because I can feel April pressing her shaking hand anxiously into my shoulder, not quite knowing whether she dare touch me or not.

"Phillip!" Jack says brightly, grinning that callous smile as he lifts his head, looking like he expected me.

Oh, I can definitely believe it, because as he's sat there's, he's wiping down a very bulky looking gun. The shine on it is impressive, in fact it's hurting my eyes. But I suppose what's even more impressive is that's the bastard thing that was no doubt intended for me come New Year.

I think about what he's left me in withdrawing such a fate. And I can only think one thing. _Bring it on._

"Well... you did it." I spit. "Congratulations... what's it feel like to be such a fuckin' _success_?"

He smirks, throwing down the cloth and lazily toying with the gun. He thinks he's unnerving me, his small eyes gauging every second of my reaction, but he's getting nothing from me. Nothing _else_.

"Good, since you ask. Really good."

"Come on then..."

He purses his lips, pretending to look perplexed. "Come on what?"

"Don't piss me about. You've taken everything from me Jack. I know you know that and I know you're _loving _it. So why don't you just go the whole way? Like you planned."

He straightens up, grinning wildly. "This feels just like Christmas, this does. But come on Phillip, spell it out to an old man, won't you? What exactly are you saying?"

I speak steadily. "Kill me anyway. Make the... uh... year go out with a _bang_."

April winces behind me in terror and Jack glances down at the surface of his desk in amusement. I count away the seconds, feeling myself get more and more wound up.

"Well **c'mon**!" I yell. "It's obvious you've been waiting for me and here I am! Not lost your bottle have you, Jack?"

"My God. You _want _me to do it..."

April steps around me. I want to pull her back, tell her to get out, but before I can muster the words, she's shielding me, like I'm going to be grateful. "We had a deal, Jack..."

He nods. "We did, I know. But it seems your husband here isn't happy with the terms of the, er... _transaction_. So..." He lifts the gun and I'm stood there, glaring at him, wishing I had it in me to be frightened. But I'm not. I'm just waiting to be put out of my misery.

April, on the other hand is terrified, shaking like crazy as she steps up against me. "If you're gonna kill him, you're gonna kill me too..."

His eyes widen. He looks _impressed_. "And what about your precious _babies _April?"

And I can feel a sob tear right through her whole chest, even though she never releases it to the room as tears pour down her face. She just steels herself to nod as she says; "If I'm going to lose my husband, then my children deserve better than to live with what you _forced _me to put them through... so go on. Kill him... Kill me... Kill all of us... show us what a big man you are."

I can't help but add in a mutter; "Sure you'll make someone, somewhere who cares about you so proud..."

His lips set in a furious line as he slides his finger in threateningly against the trigger. I don't even flinch. Because his composure shatters as he bows his head, lowering the gun, laughing. He shakes his head in amusement and tosses the gun heavily back onto the desk.

"I never _wanted_ to kill you Phillip. Not really. I just wanted you to know what it felt like to lose **everything** that ever mattered to you. And now you have and you're right - I **love** it. Somehow, I think I'll enjoy it a whole lot more if you're still breathing..."


	9. Chapter 9

**Hope everyone enjoyed their Xmas day celebrations. Thank you for reading and reviewing :)**

* * *

**AJs P.O.V.**

I am like stone, just falling back on my heel, stumbling against Phil. I am so painfully stunned, taunted by the pure evil in the face of the man, stood smirking so damn proudly. And the gun that lies in front of him... it's nothing, whether or not the bastard is loaded. Because his threat, he says it was empty. I let him degrade me, I let him put his hands all over me, and for what?

"You weren't going to do _anything _were you?" I hiss, my facial muscles all twisted in disgust.

He bows his head, his hand dropping like a claw over the gun. "I can if you'd prefer."

Rigid, I defy him with one maddened look as I stand in front of my husband.

"You were never going to hurt him at all. You just... had Zack done over... made me think it! You made me believe it because you knew... you knew I could **never **let anything happen to my family! You knew I'd do it. If you scared me enough, you knew I'd do whatever you asked... that I'd break his heart because I love him so much!"

He smirks, making me convulse in repulsion. "Well, you've really proved yourself now haven't you April?"

"He's my **life**!" I scream. I stumble awkwardly forward, nervously glancing over my shoulder at Phil, stood there, face blank. He's just too painfully stunned. I don't think he was ever going to believe me again. "And until you _forced_ me here today, made me think I had no choice... we meant the world to each other! But you could never understand that, could you Jack? **Love.** It hasn't got terms and conditions attached. It's not about power, pain! _All _that matters to me is my husband and my children; you knew that and you used it! What's this all about for God's sake?"

"You should have stayed away from my son, April." he says warningly.

Phil spits out a mocking laugh from behind me, making me flinch in surprise. "And what's it gonna take to make you love your son Jack? I mean, if some sick bastard went and put his hands round your wife, my mothers' throat..."

Jack shakes angrily, his face paling. He can't hold it in. "Shut your mouth!"

"...forced her against a wall..."

Nausea swirls inside me, shame burning, because we all know what he's alluding to. "Phillip-"

"...and made her push up her skirt; what are you gonna do? What _can _you do to show her you love her?"

And I'm staring at the floor, in guilt, in fear. Because really, Phils' words are coming for me as well as Jack, punishing us both. This isn't how I need my darlin' to prove his love. I need him to step back, but I know I've damaged him too much to even hope that he might consider it.

"I'd kill ya."

Phil nods slowly, really taking in Jack's words. "So you know what's coming then?"

Perplexed, just for a moment, Jack straightens up, head tilted up as he tries to work out my husband like a puzzle. Then, he grins. He _grins_.

"Oh **Phillip**! Good to see you again; I did wonder how long it would take you before you reverted to type! That's where your real problem is really. Because _really_, you're just like me. Trying to kid yourself a family man, but you're still just cold underneath. Only knowing one way to live. And it _is_ about respect, it _is _about power." Jack gives me a withering look, like he's trying to dimiss my apparant naivety with his words. "And I'm proud to say, I've taken all that from you. So what's left Phillip, eh? I'm curious."

"You know what's _left _Jack." Phil assures him dangerously.

"Well go on then." Jack says calmly, nodding towards the gun on the desk. "This should be second nature to you by now."

At those words, I feel sick, swinging round into Phils' path. "Please... don't."

His eyes are dark and cold. "Why shouldn't I?"

I struggle to gulp down the sob swelling in my throat, my voice swaying. "Because you're better than this."

"Nah. Because you and him... you made sure I wasn't better than anything. I'm gonna kill him April, I am."

"You can't. You can't make it be that I gave up _everything _to save you, just to... to... They'll make you pay. If you do this, whether you live or die, they'll still take you away from the baby. from our beautiful kids. And you said you couldn't fail them." And then I choke miserably on all the emotion shaking me. "So we're begging you... leave him. Leave him to rot. He doesn't matter anymore. he's nothing."

The hugest sigh of resignation tears through Phils' entire body, making his chest heave. He bows his head, bits into his pierced lip, and turns out of the room. I watch him go, rooted to the spot, so relieved to see him walk away.

"Not going to follow your precious husband then April dear?"

"Oh I will." I assure Jack viciously, whirling round to face him. "Because you won't win Jack, you'll **never** win. You think... that you've torn my marriage to shreds, but I promise you, even if it takes me the rest of my _life_, I'm going to piece it back together - my Phil is too good to let go - it's you that's going to die a lonely man Jack. Phils' children, _my _children... they're going to love him, because he's a good man. No matter what kind of world he came from, he picked himself up, made an honest life for himself. And you can mock, because I know that doesn't mean anything to animals like you, but that's because it's impossible to love men with no feeling - and I love Phillip with all my heart."

He gives me a tight smile. "Good luck convincing him of that one."

"You made me tear at his soul, because you know that me and those kids, this baby, we're everything to him. You think you've left him with nothing, but you're wrong. Because I'm his **wife**, I saved him and I'm not going anywhere. Whatever you've done to us, I'll be there... when he hates me, when he doubts me, when he breaks down. And I've got no shame in telling you that's what he'll do, because I'll be holding him together. For better or worse, like I promised."

"Touching." he scoffs as I turn away towards the door, ready to race after Phil and beg him back to our love.

"Yeah!" I hit back defiantly. "It _is_. Because we all break. So just ask yourself Jack... who's going to be there to pick up the pieces when you fall apart?"

And it's his silence that sees me out of this poisonous little room. Somewhere amongst all my guilt and fear, I feel the smallest swirl of triumph.

But it dies away quickly as I find myself in the dark and lonely night with no idea where my husband has gone. I race around, every part of me aching, my eyes sore with so many unshed tears, my skin tight with those that stain my face.

He's not in the tube station, he's not on the platform and I don't believe he could have already gone. It's been a few minutes, that's all. He's not in the bar, but I guess I knew that. The last thing he would want is to be surrounded by all those that... well, drowned their sorrows.

Whether he's there or not, despite my hammering and tearful pleading, he doesn't answer the door at the house. I don't believe he'd want to come back here either though; not really. He'd need to be somewhere neutral, somewhere he could try and drive everything from his head. But I've gone all around with no sign of him. And I'm scared, sickened too as I come full circle back to the club. I turn away in disgust, staggering round to the little community centre, leaning heavily against the railings surrounding a playground as I cry.

And through the blur of hot, remorseful tears, oh I sag. Because there he is. Rocking despondently back and forth on a tyre swing, his eyes fixed straight ahead.

"Phil?" I whisper cautiously, wiping the streams from my eyes.

He flinches, head snapping round. His expression is unchanged. I sigh sadly but duck under the railing, the bark crunching beneath my feet. I straighten up, just gazing at him. His lips rise a little in recognition and I'm foolish enough to hope, to smile back. But he looks away in disgust, bowing his head and fiddling anxiously with his hands in his lap. I go over, leaning against the frame, my feverish palm curled around the cool metal.

But he doesn't move or speak. I can't bear it, pushing away from the frame and taking a step forward. He leans even further forward, tucking in his chin. I sink down, crouching in front of him, realising he's crying. Desperate for me not to see.

"Please... look at me..."

He sniffles and raises his head definitely. "Is this what you wanted to see?"

"No." I whisper, feeling my heart break. "Oh darlin', **no!**"

"I hope it was worth it April, I really do. Because I just can't do this anymore."

"Don't say that. We'll work it out."

"**How?** I can't even bear to look at you... my _wife_... and all I can see is him - and the bastard didn't even wanna kill me! And what about Zack eh, what if he's killed him?"

"He hasn't!" I protest desperately. "Zack was... my warning. I really believed Jack was gonna hurt you... I'd _never _have- not for anything! Please, say you believe me..."

"No. I can't trust in anything you say to me anymore."

And he twists furiously at his wedding ring on his finger, desperate to loosen it, and it's like he's taken a blade to my heart. Except the bonds of our marriage are stubborn. The ring won't budge and he leaps up in a fury. I pull myself up too, not steady on my own feet as I lurch for his hand. I just can't let him leave me. Not yet. Not like this.

But this one touch is too intrusive, too intimate for him to bear. He lashes out, throwing me off with all his might, bucking against me to tear his hand from my grasp and escape my touch, my presence. Except, I can't support myself. It's like the world falls around me as I crash to the floor, landing hard against the metal frame. And immediately, I'm screaming at the agony tearing right across my abdomen.

Phil is motionless; again like he didn't realise what was happening. He looks down on me, the moonlight illuminating the guilt, the panic in his eyes.

Never knowing if it'll come, I'm there, crumpled in a heap, pleading for his help. I'm so scared.

"The baby, Phillip! The **baby**!"

* * *

Punks P.O.V.

I'm shaking. Just to look at her, I feel ill. Why can't I move? Oh fuck, _oh fuck_, what have I **done**? Whatever I think of April, whatever I don't dare think about her, I never... never, ever, **ever **meant to endanger the baby. Because, that kind of innocence, it means something. But I... I just lashed out. I couldn't help it. She had a hold on my hand and I couldn't bear it. I didn't want her touching me, not after everything. The last time she held my hand, she was still... clean. She was mine, I loved her. And now I don't know what to believe in. Except my baby. Bloody hell, the kid hasn't done anything wrong!

I stumble, pressing my hand a little higher around the frame that April fell against. She's curled up, writhing on the bark, crying at the pain, her arms trying to protect her stomach. I crouch down, wincing as the bark cracks beneath my feet. I can't bear to truly think through the enormity of what I might have caused. I can't. I just need to make it right. I can't stand to lose anything else. I thought it was all gone, but that bastard can't have my baby too. It's **mine.**

"Alright... Alright! C'mon..." I reach over, helping her sit against the frame. Fuck, the tears really are pouring from her eyes. I feel that fright too. I sniffle back a wave of remorseful tears and pull myself halfway to my feet, poised. "Give me your hand-"

And still it shakes even as it rests in mine. Silently, I count to three and help her to her feet, wincing in my own agony as she screams, unable to take the exertion.

"Where... are we... going?"

"The hospital. Then they can... check the baby over. Look... can you walk?"

She lumbers on for a few steps, but then sags, shuddering with sobs. "I can't do it! Phillip, _please_!"

I bite into my lip, praying my voice won't sway as to give me away as the tears build unseen in my eyes. "What am I meant to do, April?" I demand, whirling desperately around as she holds her weight against the railings. "Tell me!" But she just looks at me and I realise, she needs me to have the answer. I can only think of one. I turn and I run, without so much as thinking.

"**Phillip**_**!**_"


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks to everyone reading this. Special shoutout to XxPunkLeeXX, Raiden519 and Red Foxy :)**

* * *

**Punks P.O.V.**

She cries out like she needs me, but the truth of it is, our baby needs me more. And I made a vow. To never let them down. I tear across the road, almost stumbling up the kerb and hammering desperately on a random door with my fists.

"Somebody help! **Open up please**!"

The door moves beneath my touch, and and a middle aged woman stands there, sour-faced at seeing me on her doorstep. I'm not asking to be their best friends. I just want their help.

"Please... Do you have a cellphone I could use?"

"What's it to you?"

"**Please**!"

"Mo? What's going on... who's this?"

He appears behind this Mo, his face twisting in concern at the state of me.

"Can you help me!"

"What is it, son, what's happened?"

"N-Need to-get-to... hospital... now. Left-my wife-in-the-playground. F-Fell... think-she's-losing-baby..."

"I'll get my coat." he nods certainly. "I'll pull up outside that club over on the corner, you be alright to bring her that far?"

I nod, breathless. "Yeah... Yeah..." And I race back to the playground without the mechanisms to even pull in my next breath. April's still gripping the railing, leaning further forward in agony by now.

"Where did you **go**?" she wails as I hurtle towards her, sliding my arm around her back to support her.

"To get help. It's gonna be alright..."

Except we don't know that. Not yet. And I can't stand the pitying looks the old man keeps throwing us as April and me sit on the back seat of his car. She's cuddled into me without invitation or permission, but my fear keeps me beside her as she whimpers through the waves of pain, biting hard into her lip as the tears sparkle so sorrowfully. Her head is flopped, in defeat almost against my shoulder as she moans. And our only given touch is her freezing, shaking hand rested over mine against her stomach. How I wish she couldn't hear me as I repeat feverishly; "Please... Please don't..." It makes her cry harder and whatever I think of her and how she has damaged this marriage tonight, I never wanted to make her cry for this reason. This was never supposed to happen.

April needs more of my support than she can dare to admit. She thinks I won't help her, that I won't help my child. She leans heavily against me as we walk through the main entrance and left into A&E. I make her sit down, and she's gulping down another sob of terror just at me letting go of her wrist. There's nothing I can do to placate that. It's not within me anymore. I just want to know my baby's OK.

"April Brooks." I mumble at the expectant looking receptionist sat behind the computer at the desk. "She's... uh... twenty weeks pregnant. She fell and she can... barely walk with the pain."

"Right, OK." she returns with a serious face, tapping at the keys. "And are you... April's... husband?"

Drumming my fingers anxiously on the edge of the desk, I smile weakly as I catch sight of the ring still on my finger. "I was... Please, just make sure they look after the baby alright?"

And I turn away, needing to get out before these bastard tears spill over.

"Phil?"

I gulp down the sob awkwardly as I turn to face April. "I... I have to go."

She shivers, fresh tears sliding down. "No! No... you don't hate me that much, you _can't_! I'm scared... I'm so scared. And if that's not enough to make you stay- The baby... stay for the baby. **Please! **You can't walk out of here and leave me when the baby might be hurt... I know you couldn't do that!"

_No. No, I couldn't. _I sigh and motion tiredly for her to budge up, sinking down beside her. But after that, for so long, there's nothing between us. All I can hear is the phone ringing, people coughing, doctors calling patients through. And I just want one of them to tell me it'll be ok. Because otherwise... I did this. And I can't live with my baby's blood on my hands.

April doesn't turn to look at me; she just stems her tears and shakily begins to speak, maybe not even for the purpose of having me hear her. Maybe it's just to release it from where it's building so painfully inside. "I deserve this don't I? I... I ruin my marriage when it's... given me _everything_ I ever wanted. And I just ruin it because I... God, I never give up being **scared**. And someone up there's seen everything I've done wrong, everything I've done to you... and they're making me pay; taking my dreams away from me... stealing my baby!"

I keep staring at the same spot on the floor. I don't move, I don't speak. I just keep staring. Because I can't bear to look at her, even though I can just about see her out the corner of my eye anyway. And it's not disgust anymore. That's been eclipsed by the fear. It's crippling and just to know she's beside me, crying her heart out with it. I'd break if I looked at her. And I can't. I can't afford to break. Because I don't have anyone to piece me back together anymore, not understanding of how these pieces fit. I thought I knew once. But what am I going to have in the morning?

"I'm such an **idiot!**" April curses miserably. "I ruined it all and I never needed to. But I was so scared. He put his hands round my throat... I couldn't even breathe and I... I just wanted you. To make me feel safe, to protect the baby. But you weren't there. And I thought... if I didn't do what Jack wanted... you might not be there at all. I saw what it did to you when Candice phoned, and that was for my benefit. I thought you were in danger and... I love you; I can't let bad things happen to you. I did what I thought I had to do to save my family. The idea, it made me sick, but I did it because otherwise, I was gonna be left with nothing and there's nothing worse. You might wanna leave me Phil and I... understand but I at least thought you'd have your baby. And I know that if... _anything _is wrong... it's just something else you're never gonna forgive me for. I'm so sorry. Just believe me... I'm never gonna forgive myself either..."

She's there crying so hard, she's practically choking on every other word. And I wish there was something I could do or say to make it alright. I made the baby happen for her, I know what it means and whatever I think she deserves, this was never it. She's waited too long. I want to tell her that I would if I could, but I _can't_ blame her. I threw her off. **I **made her fall.

**Murderer. **Still nothing more than a murderer.

Silently, I get up from my chair, turning away from her and blinking furiously. She can't see what her words are doing to me, she just can't know I'm so weak. Because until we know the truth, this baby needs us.

"April Brooks, please?"

I tense, hearing April gasp frightfully at her summons. I force my composure as I help her up, guiding her through where the nurse directs. April winces as she obediently settles herself on the bed and I sink onto the hard plastic chair.

"Rita Hart, obstetrician, Mrs. Brooks-"

All the woman in the white coat with the watch swinging from her breast pocket gets is a whimper of recognition. She smiles sympathetically, glancing at me.

"And are you...?"

My laced hands pressed to my mouth, I nod. "I'm the father..."

She nods. "Right, OK. April, why don't you roll up your jumper lovely, and tell me what's happened. I've heard reports of a trauma to your abdomen and you're... twenty weeks pregnant is that right?"

"Mmmm." April manages, her face contorted in pain as she wriggles, forcing her hoodie away from her tummy. "I... oh **God**..."

"It's OK." Rita says soothingly. "Take your time. What happened sweetheart?"

She rolls her head to the side, her hair fanned around her, her brimming eyes searching mine, painfully. And I can't look away; my guilt keeps our gazes locked because I... I'm pleading with her on the inside.

_Please... Please don't tell her what I did._

"I fell. I wasn't paying attention... tripped up over the kerb... wasn't exactly a soft landing..."

"I'm sure it wasn't. Now, this jelly will probably feel cold on your tummy, sorry."

April smiles weakly. It's not like that's what matters. But Rita looks pointedly to me as she lifts the tube of jelly.

"Why don't you give April your hand? Make it a bit easier on her?"

I blanch my lip, don't move. And April's eyes are on mine again and they know I just might not be able to do it. We don't fit together like we used to. We were supposed to be a family, and now, between us, we might have lost it all. But I made her scared. She thought she was saving me from Jack's threats. And yet it's _me _that's threatened the most precious thing of all. And I'm so sorry.

So I offer my hand and she holds it so gratefully, flinching as the jelly hits her skin, tremoring in fear as she looks towards the screen, the scanner moving purposefully across her tummy.

"Please-" she begs hoarsely after a few agonising eventless moments. "**Please **say our baby's OK-"

Rita gets up, leaning over the monitor and stepping back with this strap, wires tripping off it. I guess me and April look equally terrified. because she smiles softly and asks her to lift herself up so she can slide the strap beneath her. She secures it across her tummy and attachs the wires fuck knows where.

_Guh-gung... Guh-gung... Guh-gung... Guh-gung..._

"Nothing to worry about April." Rita points to the screen, the grainy image that both April and me recognise as our baby looking back at us; with its heart beating perfectly.

_Guh-gung... Guh-gung... Guh-gung... Guh-gung..._

"Your baby is alive and kicking... look..."

* * *

**AJs P.O.V.**

I just look at her, listening to the beat, hardly daring to believe it. I fold with the sheer relief, shuddering through my grateful tears, trying to smother sobs with my hand, because I know it will hurt to release them.

"Oh my God! Thank you! Thank you **so **much!"

Rita stands up, smiling softly. "It's my pleasure. I'll... uh... leave you with baby for a while, shall I? Sounds to me like he's got plenty to say to you both! Just... look after one another OK?"

But Phil and me are rigid as we watch her leave. He flinches as the door shuts behind her, and it's then I look down, by instinct, surprised to find his hand still pressed into mine. And that sob swells again. This time, I feel safer, let it take me over, speaking only to his hand, holding mine; too terrified to look up into his face, too scared of the emotions I might see, the emotions I might not.

Bravely, I whisper; "I swear, I won't ask you this ever again, but please... just hold me."

I bite into my lip, willing away the moments I find myself alone and ignored. Because I need him, right now, I need to feel that he shares in this tumult, that he now feels the breath-taking relief that soothes it all. I need him close, this... this is private. It's about us. I know we both expected a moment of grief, but the powers above that seem determined to curse our marriage, have rescued our child. So even if I may never have him again, I need more than I could put into words, to be with him for this moment of subdued elation.

I push myself up through my arms, sliding back against the bed, realising with a jolt that for this, I dislodged Phils' hand from mine. I throw him a frightful glance before I realise what it is I've done. And his lip's quivering as he bites at it. He won't let himself break in front of me. He doesn't trust me with his emotions anymore. But... he gets up and settles himself on the edge of the bed, sat against his hip, his arm sliding around my back.

And then that's it. He's here, holding me with all the strength he has left, shuddering and shaking as he buries his head in my shoulder, his silent tears trickling from his face and burning my skin. But I don't care. I hold him as close and as fiercely as is possible. Because I know that when he draws back, that's it. I let him go and he doesn't come back. Not to me. I lost my husband tonight, and God, my heart is in pieces but I understand. I knew the risk I was taking, the pain I would cause to the one I loved the most. But between us, we could have lost so much more. And we haven't. So I have to be grateful for this one last moment, thankful tears pouring from my eyes.

"He's OK, Phillip, it's alright!"

As his arms fall from around me, oh, I miss his touch already, I take his hand again, without thinking, pressing it on top on the strap that miraculously delivers our baby's rhythmic heartbeat to the room.

"Baby Brooks... holding on."

But his hand stiffens beneath mine and he turns his head away. "Don't."

"Please Phil... whatever I've done, your baby's still here. You have to believe in it!"

He gives me a piercing look, and I realise for the first time how red and sore his eyes appear.

"Like I did with you and me, you mean?"

I deserved that, I know I did. But it still hurts, breaking another piece of my heart.

"No. The baby won't let you down, he won't hurt you like I have... he'll never lose you."

"Yeah?" he questions doubtfully, speaking into his hands as they cover his mouth. "And what if I can't take that risk April? What if I can't put myself through that again?"

"You don't mean that. **No! **The baby hasn't done anything wrong! Listen to him, Phil, he's holding on to be a part of us!"

He straightens up a little, blinking slowly. It hurts to look at him, to see the defeat in his beautiful eyes, once alive with hope and love.

"But there isn't an "us" anymore. So what's he holding on for?"

His words stick like a razorblade cutting in my throat. He's despondent, I know, but as the words slip past his lips, he sounds like he's wishing his baby away. He can't be doing this. I broke his heart, he can hardly bear to look me in the eye, but when Rita showed us that the baby's heart was still beating, holding on to the promise of life we made for him, he held me, crying with relief. I saw the guilt in his eyes when Rita asked me how I came to fall. He couldn't bear to think he might have done anything to hurt our baby. Because he's blameless in all this. He's holding on because Mummy needs him to. I need to place him in Phils' arms and know that for all I will have lost, I provided Phil with another someone exclusive to love.

"For his **Daddy**." I protest tearfully. "To know his Daddy loves him! And I _know_ you can't let that go, whatever I have done. What if we had lost him Phil? This was everything we ever **dreamt** about, and I won't be able to give you it again because we... won't be together, we can't... but I love you, and your baby's holding on because he knows that if I can't have you, then I still need part of you. I can't- I _can't _be left with nothing."

His eyes lock warningly on mine and I'll admit to a jolt of fear. "You could have had **everything**."

Another sob swells. "I know. I _know _and darlin', I'm so sorry. I never meant- I just... I need you to know something... before you... go."

He tilts his head expectantly, not saying a single word.

"I know you're probably wishing you never... met me and you'll walk out here and... you'll want to forget me. Because I _know_ how you felt and I swear... I felt it too, and I... I couldn't bear to lose it. But if I have to, then you have to know that I'll never regret a second of you. Because I've got our baby in here, our children waiting for us, mine and yours, and that's it. However we work it out for you and the kids, there's no moving on, no nothing. I'll wake up with the baby and... every morning I'm going to be fallin' in love with you, just looking at them. And I'll be thanking God I found you. You were The One, you were everything and I'll... I'll never get over that. I'll never stop loving you, Phil, ever. Our children are going to make sure of that. I'm just... so **sorry**!"

Sorry and painfully aware that my children are effortlessly going to keep my love for their Daddy alive. _Forever_. He's just not going to let me do anything with it anymore - even though we both know he meant it. We'd never have made it to this place together if not.

He's still motionless, his body rigid, his glassy eyes no longer prepared to register that I am here in front of him even as he looks right at me. His attentions swerve round as there's a knock at the door and Rita slides back in, smiling apologetically, as if she expected there to be something to intrude on. But both me & Phil know there's nothing.

"Right, April we'll get all that off you in a second. I just wanted to let you know, I'd like to keep you in tonight."

"You said everything was alright." Phil mumbles anxiously.

"It is. It is. This is just routine, a precautionary measure if you like. We get to keep an eye on the baby...fetal monitoring and the like, and we can get your wife something for the pain she's suffering at the moment. Nothing more than that - both mom and baby will come home to you in fine form in the morning, I promise."

He sags, accepting of her words, just watching as she leans over me, removing the monitoring strap from around my tummy.

"Lovely. Pull down your jumper then April and I'll get you admitted. Perhaps your husband would... go and grab you a few things from home?"

Silently, Phil gets up and turns towards the door, leaving the room without a word. And I can't help but fear perhaps not. I never thought I'd be forced to live through this moment, but my husband has been offered an escape route. I think he'll take it. He's not going to come back. He knows now what he needed to do - the baby's alright. His concern isn't for me. As of this moment - my marriage is over


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing. And welcome to anyone who's just found this :)**

* * *

**AJs P.O.V.**

My tears won't stop falling. They slip down my face quietly, but still they fall. Here I am, a prisoner in a lonely bed, perhaps destined to be lonely forever. Because Phil is gone. I know it. I just don't know how to except it, not when I am supposed to find the comfort in the rhythm of my child's heartbeat. It's clear and strong - everything I'm not. Because now, I'm a single mom. I never thought it'd have to be this way, not for anything. But the truth of it is, I'm alone. Back to fending for myself in the terror of this big, wide world and I just don't know if I'm strong enough to do it. I've been relying on him for longer than I can bear to confess. And now I've forced him away. Oh, the tears come thicker and faster, playing like some miserable harmony against the baby's heartbeat.

I press my shaky hand over the monitoring strap, my lips twisting into an uncomfortable smile. For the baby, there is still some hope. Just not for me. I let my fear steal everything from me. I need my husband back. And the doctors and nurses seem to think he'll come back with some of my clothes; they've let me stay in my own clothes because it was easier to set up the fetal monitoring and cover my tummy if I wore a top and trousers rather than one of their gruesome hospital gowns. But I know different. I know he's not coming back.

I thought I had sacrificed our love to save the breath in his body. I was wrong, I was cheated. And now Phils' every breath just exists to hate me, to take him further away. Because I don't think he'll ever be able to accept that I did what I did for the sake of his love, the love I know his child will have for him. He said, whether it was in anger or pain, that I should have just let Jack come after him and save him the agony of my last betrayal. I thought I'd saved his life, but I think even now, he'd still prefer to be dead.

So I know I've lost him. I know he won't come back.

And I lie here, trapped on my back, made stiff by the mountain of pillows that prop me up when all I want to do is roll over to my side, curl up and cry like a baby.

A baby. My baby.

"Oh darlin'-" I whimper, running my thumb across the strap that somewhere underneath, this baby's heart beats, never willing to give up. _Not like Mommy and Daddy._"-what's Mommy gone and done eh? What are we gonna do?"

My first hour as an estranged wife slipped by in a round of forms and being made to feel "comfortable". And now, according to the clock ticking treacherously away above the entrance doors to the ward, my second is almost gone, and I feel crushed. It's like I've lost a limb or something. I always thought, through all the pain and loss I've suffered through my life, that the one thing I was, was a survivor. But I'm not. Because I found Phil. And without him, oh God, nothing can make sense. He was my everything, he made me promises and I... I don't remember how to be alone. And I'm going to have to learn. Because that's what I am. Alone again.

Except for my kids and this second heartbeat, alive inside me because of Phils' love. How does one truly die without the other? Because the baby's hanging on, most definitely having inherited the Brooks defiance. I can turn my head heavily and watch the lines zipping up and down on the monitor for every beat he gives out.

No, not he, I remind myself, wiping at my eyes. She's a girl. She is. And she's a fighter.

"I just... I needed you to know your Daddy, angel. That's all. I never meant for it to cost us... you. You deserve better than Mommy can give. I just don't think I can do this alone again..."

I force my eyes shut to stem the fresh wave of tears burning readily in my eyes, gasping miserably as a lump swells in my raw throat. My restless fingers grapple blindly for my other hand, pressed against my tummy, tracing the outline of my wedding ring on my finger. But I just cry harder. Because all the promises behind this ring, I made them shatter. It's gone.

Hearing the thud of something bulky against the floor, I flinch, my eyes snapping open involuntarily. And my breath gets caught in my throat. Because Phil is stood there, just having lowered a bag onto the floor. And I don't know what to do, what to say. I don't know what's ok. And yet somehow, he finds it within himself to offer me the weakest smile as he straightens up.

"Clothes and stuff." he mumbles, nodding towards the bag.

It's all I can do to nod. "Right. Thanks."

"No problem."

I know it was. I can tell because his eyes look red and sore and his face is blotchy like his tears are barely dry. And just the idea that I made my darlin' cry...

"Are you... ok?" I manage anxiously.

He sputters. "Been better... y'know?"

I nod guiltily. But in the next awkward beat, we've both summoned the courage to speak at the same time.

"April, look..."

"Phil, I-"

And we're cut off, Phil staring at the floor and me biting into my lip to shut myself up.

"Sorry."

Just that one word somehow manages to cut. He's apologising to me, after everything I've done. I want to wince, but force myself to shake my head instead and even that hurts. "No, I'm sorry, go on..."

He steps over the bag and settles himself on the chair by my bedside, leaning forward, shoulders hunched and fumbling with his hands. And it's then that I realise. His hands are bare.

"Where's- Where's your wedding ring?"

He doesn't even look up to answer me, speaks to the floor. "I took it off."

I bite harder into my lip. This... It's all I deserved but God, my heart's breaking and now, especially now, I can't let it show. I can't cry in front of him.

"Here..." He inches out his hip and pulls it from his pocket.

But I shy away. "I don't want it. It's **yours**!"

"It was."

"Please-" I plead weakly. "Please don't be like this."

"Like what? What am I supposed to be like?"

And what's worse is the way he's speaking so softly. He doesn't sound angry, or like he'll become angry, even though I am well aware it's the one emotion that's not going to be leaving him for a long time. He sounds... like he _cares_.

"I... I gave you that ring for a reason... for a lot of reasons-"

"Yeah... and they're all gone."

"Are they? Just listen, tell me what you hear."

His gaze flickers instinctively to the monitor and he reads the jagged lines like they make some sort of blissful sense, his lips curving into a smile as he takes in the rhythm filling the room.

"Sounds... good, doesn't it?" I press nervously, wondering if he recognises the hope in the sound.

"Yeah." he murmurs. "Yeah, it does." And he pulls in an anxious breath. "He's ok then?"

"She's fine."

He throws me an odd look at my contradictory reply, his thin lips shifting to replicate my teasing smile and for a moment, just one moment, there's a fragile peace between us. Phil for our son, and me for our daughter. Us, for this one child. Holding on, just to know us.

"I'm sorry." he blurts suddenly and I flinch in surprise.

"Wh-What?"

Steadily, he lifts his head, his piercing gaze level with mine.

"I'm so sorry."

I shake my head, trying to force away his words because I just can't comprehend them. "No. Don't say that, not to me, don't you _dare!_"

"I have to. I know that now."

"Phillip, no..." I whimper, well aware that my tears have been freed by the strangling guilt and that he can see them pulsing down.

"Yes." he nods certainly. "I've just been... going over and over it all and everything you've done... you've done because I made you think you had to..."

"**No!** You're _not _taking the blame for this... I won't let you! It was my choice, I did it. I did it thinking you'd never find out!"

"But I did..."

"And that's **worse**!" I protest, choking. "You know it is. I wanted to live through this marriage, lying to you all the time!"

"Yeah well..." he mumbles, toying with his wedding ring between fingers. "...what you don't know don't hurt you does it?"

"But I **did **hurt you, I hurt you in the worst possible way and that's... my choice. It's my fault you're gone."

"Gone? I'm right here..."

Yeah, and for whose sake? Mine? The baby's? Or is it just for the sake of my toothbrush and a change of clothes?"

Phils' face darkens and my stomach lurches in fear. But then I remember I've already lost him. I need to learn how to be strong on my own.

"You're _unbelieveable_. You think this was easy for me? I didn't wanna come back here April. But I have because I didn't want to keep running either. The kids, I've got responsibilities. To them, and to you!"

"Why?" I push. "Because I'm the one that's got to get through this pregnancy, through childbirth... through being a single mom again?"

"No!" he cries out irritably. "Why are you making this so damn **hard**?" His eyes search my face for a response, but I find that I have none. "You said I made the baby right? For you... for us. And I did. I **didn't **do it just to get up and leave when times got hard, I'm not that spineless. You're never going to be a single mom, April, because I'm never gonna be a weekend dad. The baby, our kids deserve more than that, and why can't they have it if we can give it?"

"I don't understand what you're saying."

"I'm saying I wanna be there for every second. We've been through so much but the point is, we got through it. **Together**. We can't give up now."

"I thought you had?"

"I had." he confesses guiltily, nodding towards the floor. "But... if I could have just... left Jack alone, not been so damn smug about... everything falling around him then he... he'd never have touched you... you'd never have..."

"It's not your fault."

"Isn't it? I'm supposed to be your husband. I swore I was gonna... look after you, protect you and I didn't. I couldn't even stop it. And then I... in the playground-"

"Shhh!" I beg, not ashamed to do so in my desperation. "It doesn't matter. We're ok aren't we, the baby and me?"

"But that's not the point is it? I almost lost everything. I was gonna let it go, I was gonna let him win. I can't let that happen April, I can't. Because even now... we're still better than that."

"You reckon?" I whisper hopefully, my heart still painfully heavy with disbeliving.

"Yeah. I do. And I... fuck, I just want to forget it. I just want to remember us, me and you... like we were."

"But can you do that? Really?"

"I don't know." he returns honestly, his lip quivering shamefully as he looks at me. "But I want to try. Just give me the chance to try."

I want to sag with the relief, but I don't move, can't even manage to smile as I would wish to. There's just one thought that forces me to speak.

"I can't go back on what we were, Phillip."

"Then what the hell do you _want_?"

Biting back my sadness at the pain of his tone, I cautiously drop my hand over his, stroking his bare fingers. "I... I want my husband back."

Tentatively, Phil smiles, a smile I can tell in his wounded eyes he means. I dare to breathe. And as his fingers lock through mine, holding my hand defiantly, I dare to return his smile. Better, I dare to hope.

"Then I guess we better do something with this...?"

He uncurls the hand that holds his wedding ring.

"Are you sure?"

"Well... we've hardly filed for divorce papers have we?"

I giggle nervously through my tears, dislodging our hands as he presses the ring into my other. Bowing my head, I splay his fingers, sliding the ring onto his third. Then he curls his hand around mine and I raise my gaze to his again, exchanging hopeful smiles.

"This is gonna be really hard isn't it?"

"Yeah." he laughs weakly, not prepared to even humour me with a lie. "But whatever I did April, whatever I said, _this_... I know it's worth it. So we're just gonna have to take our lead from the baby aren't we?"

"Be strong..."

"Hang on in there..."


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you for reading and reviewing :)**

* * *

**Punks POV**

We barely make it through the door before my mind starts to wander. My eyes boring into the back of Aprils head. After the night we had, only one thing was certain if we are going to make this work. I need to make her mine again. I need my wife back. Jack may have taken her body but I still have her mind and soul, I've always had them and I am going to take back what is rightfully mine.

April throws herself onto the couch and I take a seat opposite. Watching her, close her eyes, sighing. I wonder what she's thinking? The same as me? Does she want to be intimate with me? Does she want me to love her like I did before this nightmare happened. Can I even bare to touch her, without thinking of _him, clawing at April, his dirty hands on her, breathing on her._ I not only have to do this for myself but for her too. We need rid of this vile memory.

I watch her every move intently as she leans forward and stands, walking across the living room to open the curtains, that hadn't been touched from the night before.

"Leave them" I say, trying not to sound forceful, but it comes out like that anyway.

April stills, not even bothering to look at me, after talking things through at the hospital, we still don't know how to behave around eachother right now.

"I'm just going to go lie down before the kids come home." And she walks right past me, without another word.

So I sit alone, in this darkened living room, my head like a prison for these dispised thoughts. That's one thing I tend to do. Overanalyse. And why not. Especially right now. I'm not sure what to do? Do I follow her up, talk to her, or sit here and wallow in my self pity? I've always been a man of action. So what the hell am I waiting for?

Climbing the stairs slowly and quietly. Our bedroom door is ajar. The light from the lamps peeking out from the cracks. I get to my destination and pause. Placing my hand against the door, hovering slightly, before it makes contact and begins to widen until I see April, stood with her back to me. Her pyjama shirt already covering her top half, and still clad in her jeans.

I close in on her, her natural scent hitting me like a tonne of bricks as I stop directly behind. Her fingers gently tugging round her waistband, I envelope my arms around her and place my hands over hers, stopping her from pulling them down. She jumps a little, and my heart beats slightly faster. I've frightened her. And the thing is, did I really care. I lean in and and bury my nose in her hair, taking in as much as I can. April doesn't move, but I can feel the goosebumps on her skin as I let my hands slide up her bare arms and rest on her dainty shoulders. I still haven't said a single word but I don't think I need to, my actions are speaking volumes.

I move her soft hair from one shoulder to the other, leaving it exposed. My lips gently touch the area between her neck and shoulder and Aprils breath hitches, jumping slightly, like she's been burnt. And fuck, does it turn me on. My tongue moves past the barrier of my teeth and lips, wanting to taste her skin so much, wanting to taste all of her. I begin my torture against her neck, kissing, licking sucking. My free hand moves to the column of her throat, her head moves back and I run my fingertips up and down. I know she wants this. She would have stopped me otherwise.

Kissing her like this, isn't enough anymore. I need to feel her lips on mine, I want to taste the sweetness from that beautiful mouth. I grasp Aprils' shoulders once again and spin her round to face me. Her eyes are closed and her head is low. She's ashamed. I know it, she thought I would never touch her like this again. I lift her chin with my thumb and forefinger.

"Look at me April", I manage to say as a whispering demand.

Her eyes flutter open, letting go a few stray tears in the process. I move in and catch them in a kiss before they roll off her cheek. But I don't stop until I find her mouth. Covering her lips with my own, lightly as first, testing the waters, incase it's too much for us both to handle. The familiar taste brings it all back, and I just can't help myself. Bringing my hands up to hold either side of her face as our kisses become more needy. And that was all it took for both of us to let go.

We tear frantically at one another's clothes as April and myself half stumble towards the bed. Although I'm half crazed with need and desire, to irradicate all traces of that bastard from my wife, and although I'm trembling and fizzed, my body is amazingly calm beneath her frenzied touch. It means too much now, If things are ever going to heal between us, I need to do this. I want to see her body, and not have thoughts of Jack. I want to love her again like no one else can. I want to love every inch of her, to admire her in all her beautiful vulnerability, cover every inch of her in adoring kisses to make her burn with the level of desire that I know will make all that pain in the last twenty fours hours disappear.

I wrench Aprils' pyjama top away from her form and discard it for the useless shroud it was, hardly caring as buttons fly everywhere. Delighting in the warmth that seems to be radiating from her smooth skin, I let my hands skim up her back and loosen off her bra. She lurches back and it's my raw instinct to grapple for her, nowhere near ready to lose her, with so much to prove. But as the bra drops from her arms, at the same time demanding in her touch that I shrug off my own shirt. When I can't seem to comply fast enough but for my own need, April growls impatiently into my mouth and claws it off, l was sure I had felt no sweeter physical pain than her shapely nails scratching deep reddened groves almost all the way down my arms

I lay her down against the perfectly made bedcovers, my eyes hungry, travelling appreciatively over her half naked body, admiring her in the half-light, captivated by the way her chest seemed to swell so much to create and release such ragged breaths in such quick succession. But a few moments later the need to claim that sound, make it more, make it my own again, I cover Aprils body with my own, our lips meet. I can't help but let my hands wander, touching her bare skin, and when the pad of my thumb brushes over her hardened nipple, she breaks off from the urgency of the kiss and tilts her head back into the bed giving out a subdued cry of pleasure.

It amazes me that so little has been done to her, hardly believing yet that it's me who is doing it, I smile gently and raise myself up a little through my arms and allow my lips to cover her every inch of exposure, intoxicated by soft and warm her skin I feel beneath this kiss, how willing. I cover her neck, her shoulders, her breasts all in soft whispering kisses that makes her tingle and writhe. April bites hard at her quivering lip, but she can't seem to control how the rest of her powerless body tremores and jerks. These movements in themselves tell a me, a determined lover all he needs to know in themselves, and I move lower still, as I cover the flat plane of her stomach too.

As I reach the waistband of her maternity jeans, I pause, cautiously slipping a fingertip beneath it to ease it away from her beautiful materanl body and heed any warning she might give me now. April seems to stiffen a little, and that panicks me, but still I find I can't bring myself to stop touching her. Slowly, I worked open the fly of her jeans and slip just one fingertip into the band of her lacy underwear. It makes me shiver in anticipation, with longing, to realise just how wet she is. This assures me a little more. Because now I know for myself, not only does she want me to touch her, she needs me too.

And so there's no protests, only the utmost compliance as I undress her fully, my breath is completely stolen from me. Feelings I hadn't felt coming back to me from the first time I saw her completey naked body. I couldn't stop myself saying the words, with a childlike enthsiasm almost.

"No one else is allowed to touch you. Remember.. I told you that..just me sweetheart..only me..it will only ever be me ok...?"

Aprils' sharp intake of breath is all I get in reply. But it hardly matters. I simply return to my previous occupation, kissing a path down into her now drenched heat, lapping skilfully at it with the tip of my tongue. Her cry now is not subdued. It is demanding. And I am ready to adhere.

I work her closer and closer to her first orgasm, I need to prove to her the kind of release I can really give her after the miserable experience she had indured, her body seems to tense and jerk continuously. I know she's close... I know I'll be the one causing it, and it means so damn much, seeing how feverish the sheer want has made her as she moans out her climax. Right then I had never heard a sweeter sound.

"Please..." she gasps breathlessly, writhing still as she fights to recover from the sensations she was not yet ready to surrender. "Now..."

I was ready for her in a moment, by now dizzy with the truth of this experience. I stroke lovingly up the inside of her drenched thigh, satisfied as she whimpers and parts her legs a little more. I hold himself above her, captivated by the look of desperation in her eyes. As I thrust into her, we both give out a simultaneous cry of... relief. This is what we both needed. I had just never imagined she might feel this good ever again, and it takes me several seconds to adjust to the idea that April was quite so perfect before I begin a rhythm.

Aprils breath seems to have died away in her throat, but still she moans, louder and louder, as she writhes to meet my thrust, increasing the level of pleasure on both sides until neither of us can take much more, quickening the pace and working one another harder and harder to achieve the bliss into oblivion. And hearing April cry out for more of me as an orgasm broke through her ravaged body, that was all I needed to achieve a height of pleasure I'd never met in our last ten years as lovers.

* * *

I lie in awe beside her, the messed up bed-covers barely covering her nakedness. Not that she needs to. I can admire her easily and willingly always. But she just seems to shudder as the last waves of her release leave her and they seem to have left her a little stunned.

But still I cannot help but repeat the words I have never meant as much as I did before. She bewitched me. I reach and tenderly stroke strands of her hair from her eyes, murmuring; "You're beautiful."

Her hand curls around my forearm, she lets her fingers brush across the back of my wrist, but even this innocent touch created between us makes her shudder in a way she never has before. She doesn't understand it and therefore it frightens her.

"No I'm not." she mumbles thickly, fixing her blank gaze on the dark ceiling.


	13. Chapter 13

**I am so very sorry for the delay in updating. Real life got in the way. But I promise I have my flow back on track and there will not be another 2 week gap in between updates ever again. Thank you to certain individuals for the support you have given me these past few weeks. It means a lot. Thank you to everyone reading and reviewing. You are all awesome :)**

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**AJ P.O.V.**

The afternoon after the the night before came around too early. Laying here next to my husband. Yes he is _still_ my husband. Even after the hell that I've put him through in the last twenty four hours. It keeps replaying, a vicious loop in my messed up head. Jacks stubby fingers, soiling my hair. His stale breath lingering against my skin, burning, hurting, scarring. Touching me the way Phil is only allowed to. And I know deep down, that I'll be torturing myself for eternity if I don't get a grip. Not just for my own sanity but for my kids. For Phil. The words he spoke haunting me from the previous night were correct. How can he try and get past what I did if I can't. I'm sure it will take a hell of a lot of work to get over my betrayal. Phil says he's trying hard not to imagine what Jack did to me in that office, trying not to see his face every time we touch one another. And I get that I really do. He has every right to feel that way. But what about me? What about the thoughts I have swirling around in my head. A torturous cavern of memories, a second by second account of how that evil, demented excuse of a human being, tried and very nearly succeeded in taking everything I have held dear to my heart in these ten years. Taking revenge on Phil by getting to me.

I'm not sure who I'm angry at the most. Blaming Jack, well that would be all too easy. He's always been an untrustworthy bastard. I experienced it first hand. I should have known he was capable of stooping even lower than he already had. This man was desperate to destroy Phil back in that dilapidated hotel. I should have known better.

Am I angry at Phil? Well part of me is. Why didn't he believe I did what I did to save his life, for my kids to have a father, me a husband. To keep his heart beating, breath in his lungs. He saved me all those years back and I returned the favour. Ok, it's not entirely the same, but how could I prove my love for him more than I did last night. Why did he have to question my loyalty. My love. It stung.

Sleeping next to me, laying on his stomach, his beautiful face covered in a soft relaxed expression. He looks so calm and peaceful. And just for a second I forget about the agony that has lead to this moment and that's when it hits me. The person I am angry with the most is myself. How could I have been so stupid. Niave. This is Jack _fucking_ Brooks. The bastard was born a conniving creep. Evil circulated his insides disguised as blood. Why didn't I tell Phil when the first threat was made. Why did I go to that club and let that hideous man touch me? Letting him do the things only reserved for my husband. My soul mate. I tumbled head first, eyes closed into his trap. Not even questioning it. Phil's life was in the balance. My children growing up without their dad just wasn't an option. Survival mode kicked in and I just _did._

But even with 'saving' his life. I was just too close to losing him. The simple truth is, I'm not worthy of his forgiveness. I'm not worthy of carrying this innocent life inside me. Our child. Subjected to the same horror as I was. Not even giving it a second thought. I failed them. I failed Phil and I failed myself. How can Phil forgive me, if I can't even forgive myself? How?

"Penny for your thoughts beautiful?"

I'm startled but try my best not to show it. I won't look at him. I can't

"I told you, I'm not. Don't call me that." I try to sound as calm as possible, but the quiver in my voice betrays me.

Phil lifts himself off of his stomach, turning onto his side. Propping himself up on his elbow, his head resting on the palm of his hand. He leans over me slightly, his eyes wandering over my face. Lifting his free hand, he begins to lightly run his fingers over my cheek. The same cheek that his hand had come in contact with in a sudden burst of rage. My eyes flutter closed. I can remember the sting. The shock. The burning as the cool air danced across it. And the look in Phil's eyes. Disgusted at me. At himself.

"I'm sorry", his words, barely a whisper. "I shouldn't have done that. I promised didn't I?"

I turn my head to face him, our eyes connecting for the first time since making love a few hours ago. I keep myself straight. Rigid. Knowing my body is still bare. I tug the sheets further up, resting just beneath my chin.

"Don't you dare say you're sorry. You and I both know I deserved that. Hell I deserve so much more." I take a shaky breath, trying to steady my emotions.

"What I don't deserve is your forgiveness. I know that now. I was too caught up in the moment to realise it. You were right about everything. I'm a horrible wife and mother. Things will never be the same again between us. I did that. It's all my fault!" I just about compose myself. On the verge of completely losing it and breaking down once again. I thought I had shed enough tears. I was wrong.

Phil remains quiet, stroking my cheek with his tattooed knuckles. His features never changing. He's contemplating what to say next. The muscles in my body tighten, fear consuming me. Worrying about the effect of his words that are yet to be spoken.

His hand moves from my cheek to my chin and he gently takes it in between his fingers. Making sure I don't look away.

"April..look, it's not going to be a picnic. Fuck. I'm not sure what it's going to be like. But what I am sure of, is that we fit. You and me, we're stronger together than we are apart. You only have to take a look at our fucked up history to know that. I love you and I forgive you. I want to try and make this work."

I turn fully to meet him. Taking in his brightly coloured chest. My eyes finding and resting upon a mark that stands out from the rest on his shoulder. My hand takes on a mind of it's own. And my fingers reach out and touch the scar. A mark of love only for me. That was the proof right there. He loves me. He forgives me. His eyes close and he's trying to catch his breath. The healed wound evoking memories within that we thought had been buried.. It seems those memories will always remain. Just like this scar.

"I'm so frightened Phil," My eyes never leave the scar, tracing gently round and round with my fingertip.

Phil stills my hand with his own, slowly bringing it up to his lips. And he places a kiss on each one of my knuckles.

"You don't have to be afraid ok, not anymore. No one will ever try and come between us again. You have my word."

My hand, is now encased in his own, reaches his chest and he presses my open palm against his heart. I can feel the strong rhythm of his beats. This was all I wanted. To feel this everyday until the time came for it to stop beating on it's own. Now by someone elses hand.

"No one will ever hurt you again, cross my heart" His poignant declaration was barely audible.

His statement sends shivers down my spine. His eyes are fixed on mine, looking deep into my soul. His expression, determined.

"Phil?

"You trust me don't you?" I nod, I can't help but shake that sick feeling I have in the pit of my stomach. It's eery. I'm chilled at the coldness that I witness seeping it's way into Phil's eyes.

"Good. Just leave it with me sweetheart. I'm going to make sure you'll never have to be afraid again. This nightmare will be over soon."

With the cold brutal words. He leans in and places his warm lips against my own. Shaking me out of my thoughts.

This nightmare has to be over soon. I believe him. It just has to.

* * *

**Punks P.O.V.**

With April safely tucked away in the bathroom, with the promise of a breakfast waiting on her return. I begin to beat the eggs, stopping often to ponder over what had transpired when we woke up earlier. I hope what I said had convinced April that the nightmare surrounding us these past twenty four hours. Fuck to be honest, the past ten years, was coming to an end.

Something as definitely coming to an end. I am positive about that.

I wipe my hands on the nearby tea towel and make my way into the hall. I stop at the bottom of the stairs. I can hear the running water from the shower. I need to make this quick.

Taking my cell out of my pocket. I drift into the lounge, closing the door over. I scroll through my contacts. Reaching my destination I hit the call button.

It rings. Once. Twice._ Click_.

"Hello?" A familiar voice penetrates my ears.

"It's me...Punk." I admit, I'm not playing games.

"What the hell do you want?" Ah, just what I was expecting. Nothing was ever polite about this man.

"I need your help, It's..." Trying to get straight to the point only to be cut off by a cold, cruel laugh. Fucking hell, am I in my right mind? I could have gone a whole lifetime never having to hear this smarmy voice ever again.

"And why would you need my help, boy?"

By this point I'm counting to ten. Man, did this fucker know how to get under my skin. I know he's probably smirking on the other end. My next sentence is about to make his blood run cold. Guaranteed.

"It's Jack. He's found us".

The few seconds of silence are deafening. Was he about to hang up? Tell me to fuck off?

"Why should I help you? You deserve what's coming."

I close my eyes. Trying to keep my boiling temper in check. I need him on my side for this. I sigh. Knowing we both share a common weakness, "April". I hold my breath. Waiting.

"I'm listening". Great. I have his full and undivided attention now. I can finally breathe again.

"Not now. Can we meet?"

I can hear him falter a second before he speaks again.

"You know where I am. Get here as soon as you can."

The phone goes dead.

Phase one complete. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer they say. My plan was in motion. The countdown had started.

_Tick Tock. Tick Tock_.

The end was coming. For one Jack Brooks.


	14. Chapter 14

**So this is a little filler. I thought I would introduce the kids next, seeing as though I haven't had the chance, I always just jump into the drama first. May I add that I am completely awful at fluff. I also have a short story up and completed called Retribution. Check that out if you want to of course. Thank you to all who read, and those who review, you're the best :)**

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**Phil's POV.**

I can't help but grin, watching April open the front door. She's almost knocked off her feet as Josh throws himself into her arms. I can see relief flood her face, lifting him off the floor, spinning him around and kissing all over his chubby flushed cheeks.

"I missed you Mommy" His little voice barely audible, burying his face into the curve of April's neck. Resting his head on her shoulder.

"Oh baby, Mommy missed you too. So so much." Her voices cracks and I can tell she's holding Josh as tight as she can without smothering him. I knew I was wrong to question her love for our children. There's no doubt April was destined to be the best thing in our kids lives.

I'm brought out of my thoughts, as the rest of the clan bundle in through the door, along with Stephen and Kait. Polly comes into view and runs straight into my arms. Her free flowing curls bouncing around her small shoulders and delicate face, she places a sweet kiss on my rough cheek. I lean back, taking in her tiny features. God she's the image of her mother.

"Love you Daddy." And I become a puddle of goo there on the spot. I know I'm going to be in trouble with this one when she hits sixteen. What can I say? I'm a sucker for those big brown eyes. Her mothers eyes.

"I love you too Pols. Did you have fun with Auntie Kait and Uncle Stephen?" I press my lips against her soft rosey cheek to give her a dramatically loud kiss, rubbing my stubbly chin against her, sending her into a fit of giggles.

"Stop it Daddy, it tickles, it tickles." Polly gasps between giggles until she's finally had enough and grabs both of my cheeks between her hands, pushing them together. I look like a damn fish.

"Aww Daddy it was brilliant. We got to go to the fair. And I got to ride a horsey. And then I had candy floss. And then I had ice cream. I had so much fun Daddy. I wished you and Mommy were there."

My heart was just about ready to burst. The excitement on her face telling me, of her day. I could sit and listen to her stories for hours. If April hadn't of sacrificed her self worth, her dignity, for my life,or so she thought. I wouldn't get to sit down with my beautiful little girl, listening to her adventurous imagination while we cuddled on the couch. I wouldn't get to hear her infectious giggle when I would tickle her. It would all be gone.

"Honey that sounds awesome," I glance over Polly's shoulder looking straight at Freya. Still standing by Kait. Hesitant to come back into the house. It seems odd to others but this was the usual for her these days.

"Hey kiddo, you gonna stand there all day?"

It comes out more pushy than I intend but before I can say another word, Freya makes her way past everyone and bolts up stairs to her room. Slamming the door, making everyone cringe.

"Sorry about that you guys, I'll go see to her once I get Pols and Joshy settled," April breaks the awkward silence.

"April I'll go." I put polly down and she runs into the lounge. I say my goodbyes to Kait and Stephen and leave April to see them out.

Climbing the staircase, I have time to consider all the possibilities, as to why my eldest daughter would just run off like that. Things were becoming a little strained between us. April commenting on the fact that we're just so damn similar that it was only a matter of time before our personalities clashed. And she was right. But this was sooner than I had hoped.

I can see so much of myself in Freya. It frightens me. Moody? Check. Mouthy? Check. Even her facial expressions. April put it down to her on the verge of being a teenager. That chicks are more mature for their age. That it's just normal behaviour. But I can't shake the worry I feel inside. The sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. Scared if I don't put my foot down now, show her that this shit has to stop. Back chatting her mother, the disrespect she shows us on a daily basis that she will go off the rails, run away? I.. fuck.. I know that a young girl out there, alone, vulnerable, bastards like Jack would prey on. And that was not happening. No way. I need to keep my daughter safe from creeps like him, not push her into their welcoming arms. That's why scum like Jack had to go. He was already dead to me. Why not make that a reality.

I stop at Freya's room. My eyes skimming over the once white door. Now covered in a large poster of some mediocre band and an array of stickers from her music magazines.

I knock softly, "Frey? Can I come in?" I wait for a moment, with no answer. I pull down on the handle and push it open slightly, peeking my head in.

I spot her. Sat dead center on her bed. Legs crossed, her elbows leaning on her knees and her chin resting on her palms. She's reading one of her Aquaman comics. She looks up at the intrusion of her privacy.

"Can we talk?" I ask, hopeful of some interaction with her.

I enter the room fully, closing the door over but not completely, "What's up dad?"

Stepping over the scattered comics and clothes littering her floor, I reach the bed, sitting down on the edge.

"I thought maybe you could tell me? That was pretty rude, just running up here like that, not saying thanks to Kait or even saying hi to Mom?"

She keeps her gaze at the comic and I can tell something's bothering her. I lean in and nudge her with my elbow.

"You know you can talk to me right? About anything. And I promise it will just be between us. If there's anything bothering you honey, you can tell me."

Freya stops fidgeting with the spine of the comic. She lifts her head and looks back at me, and for a moment, I'm a little stunned. It was like looking back at myself. Hurt and confused. I know what she's feeling.

"Cross your heart?" She asks, and I know we're getting somewhere.

"Cross my heart." I trace my finger in the shape of an X over my heart and she smiles at me. Something I didn't realise I had missed. It could melt the heart of the toughest of men. Me. _Just like her mother_.

Freya takes a deep breath, contemplating what to say next, knowing that I'm listening, for the first time I'm here, just the two of us.

"I'm not sure where to start, I have so many questions dad?"

I take her small delicate hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. Hell I wasn't just trying to reassure her, but myself as well, wondering what type of questions a 10 year old would have, questions that would have her behave out of character? Then it hit me. Oh fuck. This better not have anything to do with boys? Who is the little punk, I'll rip his head off! NO. No.. calm down, Shit. I'm in way over my head. Maybe I should just go get April. I'm worried now but try not to show it.

"Ask me anything sweetheart, I give you my word that I'll try to answer you as honest as I can."

Freya turns her body so she's actually facing me now. I'm still holding onto her hand, waiting for her to drop her lastest 'pipebomb'.

"Where are our grandparents? Do we have any? Why don't we see them?" she rushes out the three questions and my brain barely has time to process them all. I'm frozen. Unsure how I even begin to explain the whereabouts of said, 'grandparents'. I don't even know if I want to go there. But I opened my big mouth too soon, promising to be honest. Sometimes, promises and honesty give you a big bunch of grief.

"It's just Sophie, my friend from school, she goes to stay at her Nanna and Poppys' house every weekend. They take her out and she says they spoil her, buy her stuff her Mom and Dad don't. Why can't we have that? Do you and Mom not have a Mom and Dad? Are they dead or something?"

"Hold on there kiddo. Slow down for a second." My mind was completely blown. Wishing that it had of been boy trouble. This. This right here was going to give me a headache for sure.

"Ok, first things first. You have to understand not all families are the same. Some are big, some are small. Some get along, some don't. In our case, my father, well he's not really someone worth knowing. My mother passed away when I was 16. Your Mom is the same. Her mother isn't here anymore and her dad, he's another not worth knowing. But you have your Mom and me, Pols and Josh. And another brother on the way-"

"It's a girl dad, stop kidding yourself. Girls rule and boys are idiots." I grin, shaking my head. She is just something else.

"You and your Mom need to stop ganging up on me about that but I'm glad you think all boys are idiots. That makes me feel better. I wouldn't wanna have to go break the legs of the boy that breaks your heart."

"Daaad, stop it," Freya blushes.

"Ok ok, as I was saying. You have us. Your mother and I had a pretty rubbish childhood and well, we're trying our hardest to make sure you're all loved more than we ever were. I'm your protector, I keep away all the boogeymen and that's why you don't see them. Can you understand that?"

Freya sighs and slowly tucks a stray piece of her dark hair behind her pierced ear, "I guess, but what did they do that was so bad, that you never want to see them again?"

I'm at a loss for words. I want to be honest with her, but April would kill me if I mentioned the fact that good old Poppa Frank was a wheeling dealing backstabbing bastard who never accepted his first grandchild due to her father 'raping' his precious princess. Yeah so precious that he left her as a child thinking he was dead, for him to come back from the grave and rule her life. Then there's Poppy Jack. The devil himself. Would she really want to know the type of evil that could possibly be coursing through her veins. Would she like to know how much blood her grandfather has on his murdering hands. That the blood could have been her mothers, was almost mine. The thoughts of my bloodline, sickening me. Making me even more determined to make sure Jack could never hurt my family again. Physically or by the reputation, he held so dear to his black heart.

"All you need to know is that _we_ are better off without them in our lives. Now, how about you give your old dad a bear hug and then we'll go order pizza? Sound good?"

Freya leans into my side, bringing her arms around my waist, not reaching all the way round. Giving me a little squeeze, "Sounds awesome dad."

I hug her back, kissing the top of her head, "Then let's go get us some pizza!"

* * *

The pizza boxes lay empty on the coffee table. April's sat in between my legs as we lounge on the sofa. Her hands resting on her baby bump. My hand there not but five minutes ago, feeling the baby move around in all his glory. Even after three kids, feeling the baby kicking still gave me butterflies in my stomach. Freya was sat, her legs draped over the arm of the chair reading her unfinished comic. Polly sits brushing her barbies hair and Josh's playing with his blocks. Building the bricks too high and then purposefully knocking them back down again.

The television is on but really only for background noise. The sounds of the flames dancing and crackling, as the fire radiates the room. Giving off a cosy ambience. I look around. My heart skipping a beat. This is all I've ever wanted. From a child, just for me and my folks to sit around, a comfortable silence surrounding us. But all I got was a father who was out doing fuck knows what to fuck knows who. While my faithful Mom sat at home, waiting for him. Telling me stories about how great he was. And that's all they were, stories. None of it was true. Even as she lay dying, she could see no evil in him. It disgusted me back then when I found out what he was really like. What he really did. And it disgusts me right now to think that, the path I had chosen at 17 could have cut my life short. My choices could have cost me what I hold dear to my mending heart right now. I thank the stars every single day, that I was fortunate to get that second chance, and even though luck's for losers. I'm so fucking lucky to have this beautiful, loyal, honest loving woman in my life. Who selflessly carried my children. April gave me that second chance at life and I am one lucky son of a bitch.

"Hey are you ok?" April's whispered voice brings me back into the present.

I move my hand back over onto hers. Still resting on her bump. I stroke her fingers with my own, playing with her wedding ring. Her head tilts, as she looks up at me, her brown orbs wide. And I whisper back the only thing that I'm thinking.

"I love you." I move my head down and place my lips softly onto hers. I just want to show her how much. My words will never be enough.

April's' eyes flutter open, looking somewhat confused, "I love you too, is something wrong Phil?"

I shake me head, "Everything's perfect sweetheart, don't worry so much."

I give her one of my trademark smirks and she smiles back at me before turning her head back towards the t.v. No. Words will never be enough. It was time for action. No one's taking away what we've fought tooth and nail for. Tomorrow I'll go see Frank and get the ball rolling. There's no doubt in my mind that daddy dearest will want in on a piece of the action. Especially when I tell him the depraved lengths Jack's sunk to just to get his own back on me. But like I said, that's tomorrows agenda. Tonight, it's all about me and my family.

Just one more day before vengeful Phil, _comes out to play_.

_Tick Tock Tick Tock_


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you all for the reading and reviewing. Even "NotSoFriendly" Your poor grammar struck a chord in my dark, black heart and now I feel so bad for you. The flashback will be in ****_Italics. _As requested, this is a flashback. It's their honeymoon :)**

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**AJs POV**

_It was a cold Spring night, we were on our honeymoon and were locked away in our cosy love nest. We hadn't seen daylight in nearly a week, simply staying in, away from everyone. Not a phone call, not a trip to the store to fetch a pint of milk ... we had survived on take-outs two nights in a row which were of course home delivered! The livingroom was slowly turning into a tip, as Phil being the clean freak, had let his role slowly dry up, and had succumb to me each and every time he attempted to take the empty boxes out to the recycle bin ... or to spray a sprinkle of polish._

_"Oh April ... " Phil whinned from the sofa, where he sat in just his boxers, with a can of Pepsi. "What we having for dinner tonight? "_

_"I suppose we better eat! What do you fancy? " I appeared from the bedroom in my black silk nightie having just washed my hair._

_" Pizza "_

_" We had that Wednesday night ... "_

_"So, we'll try another topping!" He said cocky and looked to the TV as I reached up for the pizza menu and read it clearly from the kitchen._

_"Hey they're doing a Friday special. We get a super size pizza, two side orders, a bottle of drink and dips. Oh and a tub of ice-cream!" I said and walked over to Phil as he was already opening his wallet on the side table. "Shall we get that?"_

_" Yeah ... here!" He passed up the money to me and I took it, and stepped over to the phone which was so conveniently closer to Phil on the window sill. _  
_I copy the phone number and dial it, waiting for the connection as Phil smoothly runs his fingers up and down my bare thigh. "Hello, can I place an order please ... "_

_I rest my hand on my hip as I wait to place our order whilst he continues to sit cooly watching the baseball highlights "We're not watching that tonight either. Go get us a DVD from the store!" _

_"I'm not going out. Im comfortable here." I huff and roll my eyes as I go ahead with ordering the Friday night feast._

_I feel Phil's hand wander further up my nightie and deviously I shut my legs tight, trapping his hand and he gasps playfully, slapping my butt in the silky dress, lifting it up to see I was wearing no underwear. "Cruel!"_

_He sits back as I end the phone call and stepp away from my husband with still a crooked grin etched across my face. "You should learn, that I'm not open all hours!"_

_"That's not what you've been saying this past week! You've practically been open for all ... areas ... at all times ... " He said cockily and put his leg up on the coffee table on her old more magazine._

_I had no reply, he had won that round. Because he was right. They had practically been like rabbits for over a week, and had christened every room and possibly every piece of furniture that was possible. _

_"Do you reckon anyone's been worried? ... About not seeing either of us out and about?"_

_"Nah. We're lone rangers! " Phil said and stood up, heading to our bedroom to fetch his jogging bottoms saying he was a tad chilly. "How long until the pizza? "_

_"Between thirty and forty minutes!" I reply back as he enters the main room again with a pack of cards._

_I turn and watch him curiously "What are we gonna play? "_

_"You and I aren't playing. I am!"_

_"Oh come on! I'm bored! And before you ask ... NO ... Let me have a rest from you!" He smirks cockily. _

_"Ahhh ... you can't handle it! Mrs Brooks officially cannot take it from her husband! Shame on you!"_

_"Shut the fuck up and get on with dealing the cards!" I say sipping my glass of soda. "What are we playing? " I ask again as he shuffles the cards some more, dealing them slowly._

_"Poker!" _

_"Ugh ... Snap will do me fine!" _

_Phil roars in laughter as he sits back. " Oh April ... April April April ... Snap? Are you having a laugh! I learnt that when I was five!"_

_"I'll make it more interesting? "_

_"I don't think Snap could ever be interesting."_

_"Strip Snap!" _

_Phil looks on in wonderment as his eyebrow arches. " Go on ..."_

_"Whoever wins a round a snap ... the other ... has to strip! Well ... remove a piece of their clothing!"_

_"Well that's unfair on you because I've noticed darlin' you're only wearing a nightie." _

_I pout and raise my eyebrows suggestively. "Exactly!" I giggled naughtily as Phil looks excited, accepting instantly. "Right babe, you deal ... I'm just gonna pop to the loo!" _

_"Okay!" he grins and I stand up and easily run up to the bedroom to put more clothes on ... leaving Phil in just his boxers and joggers. Now I was about to get my own back!_

* * *

_"Come on April! I've dealt out fairly and i'm rarring to go!" I hear Phil say from the dining table as I step out of the bedroom in my classic chucks, skinny jeans, his white shirt, a set of studs in my ears, both my wedding and engagement ring on my finger. My hair's pulled up in a hairband, and a bracelet around my delicate wrist.  
Upon hearing me re enter the room, Phil turns around with an open mouth._

_"Now come on, that's not fair!" He said eyeing me up. " You've got dressed. You were meant to stay in what you were wearing ... that way ... you would strip and I'd win!" I took seat at the table and picked up my dealt cards._

_"There were no rules stating I couldn't change! Now, as you so eagerly wanted to start the game ... then ... lets! "_

_Phil proceeds to stand up to put clothes on himself but I slam my hand down on his. Seductively rubbing it._

_"There's no need to get dressed Phillip ... you're too hot and good at snap, you're fast and have very good reactions." I smirk, "and you have got, five items to work with!" He looks to his wedding ring, then his joggers, also wearing his boxers and socks._

_"Okay!" He agrees and sits back as I lean over to retrieve my glass of soda and the bottle, and temptress like, pour the liquid contents into mine and Phil's' glasses. "You're not going to change any more rules are you? They still are ... two of the same cards, slam your hand down on them and shout snap! "_

_"Strip. Lets call strip. Sounds better!" I say. Looking up at him with deep intriguing eyes, lustful staring from across the dimly lit table._

_"Yeah ... Strip!" He smirks as we both sit forward prepared for an interesting game._

_The chairs creaked, and shrieking was heard as we had several good rounds of Strip Snap, where Phil was easily beating me hands down! Having already lost my jewellery and shoes, he was still proudly sitting in all five items._  
_He smugly tilts his head back and takes a satisfied breath._

_"... and Strip April!" Slowly as I reluctantly stand up, not going for the easier option of taking my hair out of the hairband ... but irresistably standing close to him as I push down the skin tight jeans, wriggling out of them and kicking them to the side with the flick of my foot._

_"Hmm ... very nice!" He says and I nod sitting back down on the chair, putting my legs and feet up high on the table, luring Phil's' eyes away from the stacked cards being placed down continuously in the middle of the table._

_" STRIP! " I shout, a little too loudly, I couldn't help but be overjoyed that I had won a game! " Strip off your socks! I don't like them!" He obeys, throwing them over my head and across the room._

_We both look up, missing two Ace's as we realise the pizza was finally here. "I'll go!" I say instantly, and it wasnt until after I had skipped to the door, that Phil noticed my bottom half of clothing was missing, and he yanks me back and replaces himself at the front door, paying for the pizza and taking it from him. I smile sexily at the young guy who had kindly delivered my Friday night feast and it made Phil glare at him evily._

_"Did I give you permission to look into my house? " Phil asks sternly. The boy doesn't know where to look and quickly shut's his visor down on his helmet and jogs back out to his bike_

_"Awww he was only young!"_

_"And you're married! " He pushes, sitting down with dinner for two! Or five as the menu suggested. Both of us grabbed a slice of pizza each and munched away merrily, taking the game not too seriously as before. Our mouths and stomachs were now being fed! "How about who ever wins tonight, decides on what to do next!" He said with a mouthful of peppers. Talking with his mouth open. Lovely._

_"Like I need two guesses as to what your choice is going to be!"_

_"If I win, you give meeeee ... a sexy sensual massage ... back and front ... access all areas type! ... and if you win .."_

_"If I win ... I get a night off and you can massage my feet!"_

_Phil looked to my feet, mellow like, then back to me " Id rather not."_

_"Wear my panties then?"_

_"Feet it is!" He instantly says and snaps up another slice of pizza from the box as I giggle._

* * *

_I sat close to nudity, as Phil shuffled the new set of cards. Yes, we had finished our super size pizza that served five, and yes we had eaten the majority of the side orders. Alot of the twisty potatoes were found on the floor when Phil had found it slightly amusing to aim for my cleavage in his shirt. Me being not too pleased by even more mess he was making for me to clean up once I got round to it._

_"I think this round ... will decide the winner. Sex or Massage!" Phil said as I bent down to try and clean up a little. I could see that he was looking at me with lustful eyes. Sure I'm not stick thin but I had the cutest bum in french knickers ... black lace to be precise, and from Freyas birth, my breasts always seemed to bulge over the cups that held them up. He knew I wore them just to entice him into staring at me rather then the cards being laid and played on the table._

_I continue to drink my nearly empty soda and put my card down before slamming my hand instantly down upon the table "Yes! Amen! Strip ... Mr Phillip... Brooks!" I shout, sitting back in my chair, ready to enjoy the moment as my husband now lost his joggers._

_I lean down slightly to look at his boxers he wore and grin as I sit back up proudly. " Strip wifey! " Phil retorts almost instantly as he lays his card down upon mine._

_I ease the bra off as my breasts drop ever so slightly, and Phil does nothing but stare at them, reaching over to touch but I playfully smack his hand away " Pervert! Leave them alone and concentrate! You could have me naked in one more round!"_

_Phil could only grin, stretching both arms out like he was in for a big match. He leaned forward as I calmly sat quietly, for once ... and picked up my card laying it down. Phil does the same. And it continues for many cards, and by this time, Phil starts getting more agitated, and I was becoming more cold, which was perting my nipples furthermore and attracting his attention somewhat more too._

_With one quick flash he spotted both King of Ace and Hearts and slammed his fist down upon the piled cards, spilling them everywhere yet again, onto the floor. " Annnnd for the last time tonight Mrs Brooks, I ask you ... to **Strip**!"_

_He says it ever so cocky as I scrape my chair back and stand up " How about you strip me? " I stand beside him where my hand gently crawls to the back of his neck and massages the flesh with my fingertips. He rolls his eyes and head back, groaning, before kissing my wrist and running his own hand over my bare thighs to my butt where he makes circular motions around it, feeling the lace upon his skin._

_Then with one quick movement, he slides his hand up the slit of the french panties and massages my bare skin. "I believe, its your night tonight, Phillip."_

_I watch as he stares up at me, with a devious glint in his eye as he places his other hand on my panties, turning himself slightly to face me on the chair. He hooks his fingers around the material and slowly begins to pull them down. Falling on their own as they pass my knees._

_Kicking my panties away into the room somewhere. To be found probably days later, seductively sitting down on him, legs either side as I drape my arms over his shoulders rolling my hips, feeling his length stir in his boxers beneath me._

_"I dont like you doing that!" He stills my hips, stopping me from teasing him any further._

_"So what are you going to do about it?!" I giggle, arching my eyebrow looking back at him "Nothing!" I tease, before he even answers I trace my hand down his well toned torso to his black Calvin Kleins, grabbing at his manhood, letting it touch my wet core ever so slightly " So ... lets get dirty!"_

* * *

_The poor neighbours had to endure another hour of my operatic style moans as I climax alongside the window that Phil threw me against. Yep it was too close for comfort and after a loud bang, we both realised we knocked the curtain pole down, close to being hit on the head by Laura Ashley's finest._

_Phil clenches his fist against the wall as he backs me against the free one, nearly bouncing off and falling on the floor as I yelp out in pain. If we had new neighbours, they would have called the police to report something. I was close to ripping shreds of whatever I could get my hands or claws into. My nails had ripped wallpaper in the past, so a pillow was bound to be no problem! "Oooh Phil ... more ... fuck me ... give me fucking more!" I moan feeling hot and sticky, throwing my head back and knocking it hard against the wall, "Bedroom Phillip ... bedroom!" Gasping through the thickness of my pants, slapping his cheek gently, trying to get his attention. He screws his face up, powering through the pain, fucking me up the wall of the dining._

_He groans loudly and opens his eyes to look at me, slowly dropping his hands to my butt, holding me closer picking me up. I lean forward, my locks hiding his own head slightly as I plant a passionate kiss upon his lips, yearning for more from my new husband._

_Thanking God, that I had chosen a man with muscles and stamina, I let myself flop back onto the marital bed, where my legs were already parted, waiting for more of him._  
_I propped up on my elbows, sending a wicked smile up at my husband which causes him to pounce like a leopard on its prey. He presses his lips to mine, finding his home for the next half hour? Hour? ... I just couldnt say._

_Finding a lot to giggle about, I playfully grope his butt hard as he begins to steadily thrust inside me, having found his home and getting back to what he was good at. Fucking his wife till the cows came home ... or until the quarters rattled down the slot and into the sex jar for the second time that night._

_My face contorts with the pleasure and I grip onto the wooden headboard hard as Phils thrusts become deeper and more erratic. I can feel how wet I am, how wet I've made the bedsheet beneath me._

_Boy did I have alot of cleaning to do._

_"Oh fuck this is it April ... its the big one!" I giggle once again at his comment and crinkle my nose up cutely, watching him tilt his head back, his hips grinding against my own, penetrating himself further into my hot opening, upping the tempo and pace "Oh yeah ... that's it! Come on April ... I want you to come baby!"_

_I give his ass a cheeky slap and grip it tighter "I'm soo close ... ohhhh!" The more I moaned the more heated and worked up Phil became. "Oh god baby, you're so deep ... " I gasp hoarsely and tilt my head back as my orgasm begins to rocket through my body, not before hitting Phil first, he grits his teeth firmly, tightening his fists and slamming them down onto the pillow beside my head, spreading his fingers out and gripping it tightly._

_" You like it deep, don't you sweetheart ... oh fuck yeah!" He groans, his mouth dropping to my breast out of breath and sweating._

_Both panting for breath and dampened by each other's juices, I run my fingertips through Phil's hair, feeling how hot he really had become. " Was that good enough ... for you? Mrs ... Bro-oks?" He whispers listening to my fast pacing heart rate_

_"Hmmmhmm Oh babe, it was the best!" I close my eyes, laying still underneath him, giving him the loving cuddle which both parties enjoyed after a heated session, wherever it may be._

_He rolls off me and simply lays down on his back, his arousal still peaked. I glare at it before reaching over and taking it in my hands, massaging him slowly, running my fingers up and down his growing length._  
_Phil seems to be enjoying it, closing his eyes as he swallows hard and boyishly leans back with his arms behind his head, totally relaxed, letting me now take control with my masterful fingers. I start to roll my hands up and back down his shaft. _

_"I might have a quick shower then. I'll be back with a sensual massage, how about that babe?"_

_"Yeah-yeah!" he whispers and relaxes back, I bounce off the bed and leave to enter the bathroom._

* * *

"April? Baby, it's time to get up. April?"

I can feel his whiskered jaw rub up against my shoulder, his hot breath against my ear. Goosebumps appear on my heated skin as I start to regain my senses from my erotic dream. Memories of a time that when we had so much hope, that the bad things which had happened, the nightmare that we lived through, was behind us. We were looking to the future as newlyweds. I hadn't thought of that blissful night until I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

I turn to face Phil with sleepy eyes, he leans in to give me a peck on my pink lips, "Morning sweetheart."

"Morning," I stretch a little before nestling myself into Phil's side, gliding my fingers over his chest as he wraps his arm around me. "Hey do you remember that week we spent during our honeymoon?"

I can feel the laughter rumble in his chest against the palm of my hand, "Sure do princess, one of the best weeks of my life."

"Mmmm mine too."

Phil stops rubbing his fingers up and down my shoulder and arm moment, as if he was contemplating on what to say, "Is that what you were dreaming about?"

I raise my head to look up at him, "What do yo- How did you know?"

"You were making those sweet little noises in your sleep, you know that ones you make when we're fucking."

"Phil!" I slap his chest, "I was not? Was I?" I lay my head back down, nestling once again into the crook of his neck, trying to hide my blush.

The room goes into complete silence. That is, until I find myself falling face first into the mattress as Phil jumps up out of bed, giving the speed of light a run for it's money. I look up to find him opeing each of the drawers of the bedside units.

"Phil? What on earth are you doing?" I breathe out, trying to blow my unruly hair out of my eyes.

He only stops for a second, looking back at me with that grin I know oh so well, before going back to searching.

"I, my sweetheart, am looking for those damn cards."


	16. Chapter 16

**I am so sorry this hasn't been updated in forever. I'm seriously ashamed. Hope you all can forgive me. But we are getting closer to then end which I'm very excited about. Thanks to everyone who read and took the time to review, favourite and follow from the last chapter. You're the best :D**

* * *

**Punk's P.O.V.**

"You took your time boy. I ain't got all day."

There he was, sat tucked into the corner of the little bistro we planned to meet at, looking at me from over the newspaper he's in the process of reading. I'm running considerably late. Of course I'm late, after this morning's antics with the playing cards, once just wasn't enough. But I'm sure as hell not going to tell April's daddy dearest that. Fuck no. He doesn't need anymore reasons to want to kill me.

"Traffic was a nightmare." _Traffic? Really Punk?_

Frank raises his eyebrow and I know my excuse is shot to shit.

"Traffic huh? Don't you live ten minutes from here boy?" _Fucking smug bastard. Always has to be right_.

I decide that there are more pressing issues than how the hell I got here, I ignore the comment and throw myself into the chair opposite.

"We're not here to chit-chat Frank. Now let's get this over with. Are you going to hear me out or am I wasting my time?" I cross my arms, leaning back from the table's edge. Keeping my eyes fixed on him. He needs to know this is serious. That I am serious.

Frank's eyes never leave mine as he slowly closes his paper, folding it in half and placing it to the side. Mirroring me, he folds his arms, leaning them on the table. Letting out a frustrated breath, he speaks,

"Say what you need to say. I'm all ears."

I look around, making sure no one's in earshot, not many people about at this time anyway. Moving myself closer to Frank, resting my elbows on the unsteady table. I take a deep breath. It's now or never.

"I'm going to kill Jack. And you're going to help me." And the weight from those murderous thoughts, lifts from my shoulders, the relief it gives, spoken out loud to someone other than myself.  
If Frank was shocked, he hid it well. His features not faltering once. That same stoic look plasters his face like it always has. The only thing that moves, is when the corners of his mouth twitch. The bastard cracks a smile, like I've told a joke he's only just got.

"What do you need me to do? Isn't this your field of expertise?" Frank nods towards me. Trying his hardest to push my buttons._ Not today buddy._

"Jack's tried ruining all of us. But man, he really has a grudge against you. And I'm betting after I tell you this, you'll be jumping the queue for the bastards head." This gets his attention, I can tell. His grin slips, brow's furrowing.

"Stop playing games you little shit, tell me what the hell you mean by that? You said it had something to do with April?"

I know I have to tell him, I'm going to have to tell him exactly what happened. My hands begin to clench into fists, I try my best to suppress the anger building.

"April's pregnant again. Had her 20 weeks scan recently. She loves our kids so fucking much. For some unbeknown reason, she loves my stupid ass too. And when you love people as much as she loves us, you'd do anything to protect them. To keep them out of harms way. You following me so far?" Frank nods once and I try my best to continue. The events still raw in my mind.

"Good. So Jack turns up, corners my pregnant wife and, well here's the deal breaker.. blackmailed her into fucking him."

The words hang in the air around our little table. Stale. Putrid. The silence is deafening. The tension so thick that I'm almost choking on it. Something within Frank's eyes change, they darken somewhat and, fuck, I'd say I now have his full attention.

"Did she do it?" It was barely audible, his voice shockingly timid, coarse with emotion, but I heard it.

"She did." I dip my head, averting my eyes as I mimic the tone Frank spoke with before.  
I could see the wheels begin to turn as Frank tries to process this new information. Having your little girl shacked up and reproducing with someone like me was bad enough. But to have Jack of all people laying his grubby hands all over his princess, well shit, I'm sure his blood's boiling right about now. I'm sure the rage he's starting to feel bubbling to the surface matches the rage I had when I walked in on them. Well maybe not the same but I'd say it was pretty damn close. I need him like this. I need all the blinding rage he's got.

The chair Frank's sat on is suddenly thrown backwards against the wall as he leaps up, "That motherfucker. He's a dead man. You hear me Punk? A fucking dead man!" He's seething. _Good._

"Cool your jets old man. Sit the fuck down before someone comes over."I try to talk him down. Well that went better than expected. He eyes me longer than I would have liked and I'm sure all he wants to do now is throw me and this table to one side, storm out of here and beat Jack to death. But it's not going to happen that way. Oh no, I have some mighty big plans for that son of a bitch.

Frank takes a few deep breaths, wiping the remains of his spittle away from his chin. He retrieves his chair and sits back down as if nothing's happened.

"Listen to me. We need cool heads for this. We can't go fucking it up, you know the consequences if the job isn't done right. This goes down the way I say it goes down. To the very last detail. I'm going to make that bastard regret every last thing he's done."

A rumble of laughter deep from Frank's chest escapes, "Easier said than done boy. That man's like a fucking cat, nine lives and all that shit. Hell we won't even make it past his entourage he has with him these days."

I lean forward again, a smirk coming to my lips, "You know he's bought a bar not too far from here right? And I may know someone on the inside that could help us out."

Frank nods his head at me, and I think for the first time since the night I led him to April all those years ago, we were finally on the same page. I know he won't ask for details about the what's and why's of the night Jack violated April. There's just some things you shouldn't ever have to think about. Fuck. Do I wish I didn't have to think about it. The images, although not as vivid, still there when I close my eyes.

"Does she know about this?" Frank clears his throat, grabbing my attention back.

"No. And that's how it's going to stay. She nearly lost the baby because of this shit, I can't risk it. I just can't."

My heart beats a little faster as that feeling of panic begins to invade my senses. Thinking about the accident. I still haven't forgiven myself, not totally. I know I wasn't a good man, but April, she pulled me out of that dark abyss and loved me. So having the red mist descend over me again scared me half to death. In any other circumstance I would never intentionally hurt April but fuck I really, really could have hurt her that night. This was going to make things right. Like it should have been from the start.

"Go grab yourself a coffee boy. Then start from the beginning."

I get up to leave, I turn back, he frowns, "You wanting one too?"

Frank huffs back, "I think I might need something a bit stronger for this shit but a coffee will do for now. Make sure it's black."

I smirk back at him and make my way up to the counter. I definitely needed a coffee for this shit too.

* * *

**AJ's P.O.V.**

Phil had gone before I woke, leaving a post it stuck to the refrigerator. Picking it off I admire how he's left tiny hearts around his message. This morning was, well it was wonderful. Slow and passionate. Phil being more attentive than he'd even been. And even though it was beautiful, somehow it didn't sit well with me. This feeling of loss, like it might have been the last time I'd ever have him that close. It gave me goosebumps then and even now.

I try to shake the feeling off, making my way to fill the kettle and start the kids breakfast. Freya being the only one in the living room, I realised the other two decided they were going to have a lazy day when I couldn't rouse them with the promise of chocolate chip pancakes.

Hands deep in pancake mix, the doorbell rings. Sighing as I go to put the bowl down, I see Freya bounce out from the next room, heading straight for the door. I follow behind but she's already opened the door and in conversation with whoever's on the other side.

Just before I reach her, Freya is backing up, the door opens wider, and as the figure pushes into our home I feel the blood rush to my head. My stomach drops as I feel Freya's tiny frame back up against my bump. I instinctively put my arms around her shoulders. Trying to tell her without words that it's ok. But I know it's not. Not this time.

I lean down and kiss the top of my first born's head, but her body doesn't relax, just like mine. My eyes move back to the figure now leaning against one of the only two exits to safety. He smiles that smile and I feel the bile rise up into my throat. I'm swallowing hard, trying to keep myself from vomiting, but my nerves are shot.

"Good morning girls, something smells good."

I shudder at his tone. My hold tightens around Freya. She looks up at me with worried eyes.

"Mom?" She questions, and I'm trying my best not to crumble with fear.

"Who is this Mom?" Freya's voice seems to quiver a little. And my heart breaks. She was never supposed to know about him. He wasn't supposed to exist inside our home. Our home. Our sanctuary. To keep our children shielded from the monsters of the world outside. But we've failed. The most dangerous of all was standing right in front of us.

I can know my legs are about to give way and I'm sure Freya can feel the strain of my weight on her shoulders, But before I can answer her, eery laughter fills the hallway. I gulp. This was not happening. If I closed my eyes tight, wished hard enough and reopened them would he be gone? Why couldn't he be some random hallucination. If I rubbed my eyes hard enough would he go away. Too many "if's". _Where's Phil?_

"Why my girl, I guess your Momma's forgot her manners." He steps a little closer. Grinning from ear to ear.

"I'm your Grandpa Jack!"

_Where the hell was Phil?_


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you all for your support! Here's chapter 17 :D**

* * *

**April's P.O.V.**

So here I am in our kitchen, sat at the breakfast Island, opposite, the man who stripped me of my dignity. Nearly costing me my family as I watch him take a mouthful of the pancakes that had already baked. The fresh mix in the bowl sat off to the side. Sitting next to me is Freya. And she watches Jack just as intensively as I am. The silence is killing me. The not knowing what will come next has my whole body convulsing. Freya slips her hand under the bar to take hold of mine. Trying to reassure me. My ten year old? Trying to keep me calm, unaware of the real danger we are in. To her, he's a stranger. To me, he's a murderer. A rapist. And he's sat there looking back at my daughter with that glint in his eye. The same glint that he had the night he paraded me in front of his associates. The same look he had before I let him destroy me.

"What are you doing here Jack?" I can't bare the silence. I need answers.

Jack takes his time to respond, chewing slowly, purposefully, trying to drag this whole situation on. Knowing I'm hating every single second that he's there, breathing in the same air as us. Contaminating it. And hell I'm almost choking on it as I take deep breaths to try and calm myself.  
He finally swallows his mouthful, looking directly at Freya, "What's your name sugar?" The nerve of this man. As if butter wouldn't melt. Trying to engage in a normal conversation with my daughter. There is nothing normal about this situation, about this man. Jack sits there expectantly while Freya looks over at me, her eyes asking me permission to reply. I shake my head no and turn back to the bastard.

"What are you doing here **Jack**?" Although I'm petrified, I can't help but feel anger. The fact he's here, while Phil isn't. He's here while I'm pregnant, not to mention the kids are here. He knows he's got me trapped. Unable to physically protect myself like I could if I was alone and not completely vulnerable.

"I thought I'd come and introduce myself properly. We are family after all April. And my, what a beautiful family, indeed." He smirks, his eyes resting once again on Freya, "Very beautiful."  
I feel rage. I feel it build up and seep out from every pore. Standing up I pull Freya off her stool and bring her protectively behind me.

"Look at me when you're talking. Not at her. You sick son of a bitch. You never look at her like that. **Never!**"

I'm practically seething, probably squeezing Freya's hand harder than I should be. But I know that's what he's thinking. And I can't let it happen. I just can't.

Jack reaches into the inside pocket of his smart dress jacket and pulls out a small handgun. Calmly he sets it in front of him on the table. I can feel my whole body drain of any feeling, numbing itself and I think the only thing keeping me strong enough not to fall to the floor and weep for mercy is getting my children out of here safely.

"Oh April, I think what you should do right now is take the weight off those pretty little feet. All this stress can't be good for the baby. Come on now. I won't bite." Jack waits for me to take him up on his invitation but I'm frozen to the spot. My eyes fixed solely on the murderous weapon sat idle in front of us. Jack's hand comes into view, patting the gun slowly. Menacingly.

"April, my love. It would be in your best interest if you sat down right now. And you know me, I'm always one to worry about your interests." His tone is threatening. And I don't see any other way. Left with no choice I move forward again and plant myself down onto the hard stool. Freya doesn't follow. I spin round slightly, taking hold of her hands.

"It's ok sweetie. Just sit down." And she does.

"Good girl. Now, as I was saying. I'm here for my family. Nothing more important than family, isn't that right, Freya."

My eyes widen in horror. How the hell did he know her name? The shock was evident on my features of course and he continues on, answering my silent question.

"Don't look so surprised April, dear. I have my ways and means. I thought that was one of the things you loved about your father-in-law."

"I hate you!" My voice is hard. Determined.

"You do have a wonderful sense of humour my girl, but no more jokes. It's time we got serious." He picks up the gun and points it in my direction. "Where are the other two? Polly? Little Joshua? Where are they?"

I still my shaking legs from beneath the table. Gritting my teeth, "I'm not telling you anything!" I spit out at him. But Jack's having none of it and he whirls his arm round to point the gun at a now terrified Freya.

"**MOM**!" She cries out and I flinch slightly. This was how he's going to do it. This was how he was going to break me all over again.  
I move into the guns line of vision, trying my best to shield Freya, who is now currently sobbing into my back. I raise both my hands in defeat.

"Jack! They're not here ok? Phil took them out. I swear. Please. _Please_ put the gun down?  
Jack chuckles, shaking his head from side to side but the gun stays where it is. The gun still pointed at me. My head is now the target.

"Phillip left here alone this morning. Now let me try this again April. Where are the children?"  
I reach behind me, trying to offer some comfort to my petrified daughter. Scanning the room, I try to find an out. Anything to make this stop. To lead her out of here without so much as a blemish.

"I'm waiting April. And as a little push in the right direction I'm going to tell you this. If you don't answer me truthfully I'm going to blow your brains out all over your precious little daughter. Then I'm going to blow her brains out, so on and so forth. Feeling talkative now, sweetheart?"

I gasp for air. The room feels like it's closing in around me. My babies. Jack was right about one thing. They were precious. And I'd do anything to protect them. Even when it meant having to do something that made my skin crawl. Something that made me feel so vile that I wanted the ground to break from beneath me and swallow me whole. Like I didn't want to live. Didn't deserve to live. And I realised. I had to break. It was the right thing to do.

"They're upstairs. They're still sleeping." I squeak. The strength in my voice now long gone, replaced by pure fear.

"Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" Jack chimes and he lowers the gun slightly.

"Listen to me very carefully April. You're going to leave this room, go up and get them kiddies of yours and you're going to bring them right back here. Freya's going to stay and keep Grandpa Jack company. One wrong move and I kill her. Do you understand?"

I nod my head in agreement. Not trusting my voice. I go to step away from Freya hesitantly but she grabs hold of my shirt clutching at me, holding me back.

"No Momma. No! Don't leave me. _Please don't leave me_?" And my heart shatters into a million pieces when I turn to see her beautiful face. Marred by the streaks of her tears. Her face, red and blotchy. But her eyes. Her father's eyes. They urged me to go on. To get through this. I grab hold of her shoulders hard. Trying to pull us together in unison. To snap out of the hold. This fear. We need to be strong. We have to be strong.

"Baby! Look at me?" She obeys. "I'm just going to go get Pols and Josh, bring them down here to be with us. So we can be together. Ok? I'll only be gone for a minute. You need to sit here and be brave. Can you do that for me?"  
Freya looks at me and nods, trying her best to muffle her wild sobs. I take her face in between my hands and kiss her forehead gently. "That's my girl." I whisper into her hair.

"Where's daddy?" She whispers back and I tighten my hold a little.

"He'll be here soon sweetie, now sit down and be brave. Just like we talked about."

I let go of Freya and turn towards the kitchen door. I can feel Jack's eyes on me until I go to turn the handle. I open the door, but before I leave I notice Polly and Josh sat on the bottom step of the stairs, huddled together. Scared. Alone. Moving my finger to my lips I tell them to stay silent. I look back slightly to notice Jack's attention is on Freya. She glances over his head and timidly nods at me.

I'm not sure what happened next but I knew I only had one chance and I wasn't about to fuck it up. My shaking hand reaches out for the handle of the heavy stew pot sitting on the counter. I stealthily move closer to Jack. I have to consider that gun in his hand and I know I'm taking a chance. But Freya can see what I'm doing, hopefully she'll know what to do. She has to know. _She has to_. And I silently pray to a God I'm not sure exists but it's all I have right now.

I pull back as far as I can. My arms raised and to the side, with all the force I can manage. I put all my weight, strength and faith into this one swing. This one chance. I close my eyes and wait for impact. And it comes in the form of a crunching sound that echoes throughout the room. Dropping the pan immediately as if the touch of the handle burnt my hands, I open my eyes. The first thing I see is Freya. Her eyes wide, face grief stricken. She's covered her mouth with her hands as if to stop herself from vomiting. My eyes then move over the still body slumped in the stool, leaning over the table. Jack. Out cold. The wound on the back of his head clearly visible. His blood oozing out into his thinning hair and down under the collar of his coat. The movement from his fingers twitching snaps me out of my daze and I run forward, pulling Freya away from the hideous scene.

"Get out of here. Take your brother and sister and run. Don't look back. Do you hear me. Keep running. Go get help, but please, baby please don't come back here."

She stalls and I shake her, "Quickly Freya!" And with that jolt she runs past me, out of the kitchen and into the hallway. Standing in front of Polly and Josh, Freya takes both of their hands and pulls them out the front door without looking back. _Good girl_. Away from this hell. Into freedom. And for the first time from all this started I can finally breathe properly. I push the kitchen door closed. Pressing my fevered forehead against it's cool surface. My eyes flutter closed as I try to collect my thoughts. I begin to control my shaking, my breathing slows down. I turn around. Jack is now drifting in and out of consciousness. It won't be long before he's coming to. And I'd be ready and waiting.

I walk around his body, noticing the gun next to him on the floor as I pass. It must have flown out of his grip with the force of the blow. I pick it up cautiously, examining the weapon. It looks huge in my small hands. I plop myself back down onto the stool facing Jack. I pull the safety off and I wait. The bastard would need to be awake for this.

"It's just you and me now Jack. Give me you're best shot. I dare you."

I'm _waiting_.


	18. Chapter 18

**Hello again AJPunk fans! We are hurtling towards the end of this sequel. I'm so excited. I hope you are too. Here's the next installment. Thank you for reading :D**

* * *

**Phil's P.O.V**

Three cups of coffee later we were just about done with the planning. I was going in as bait. Frank would be too risky. It wouldn't sit right with Jack if Frank called him out of the blue wanting to chat. No he was the back up, he, hopefully would have my back. Amy, the chick behind the bar Jack owned. She'd be the key. She was pretty understanding about what had gone on in the back room that night. She was pretty naïve. She'd be easy to manipulate. Frank offered to get me a gun but guns were too impersonal. This was going to be an intimate occasion.

We agreed on several things throughout the course of the morning. One being, that I would never be good enough for April. _Fuck_ he didn't have to tell me twice. I knew that from the moment I laid my eyes on her. Second, we weren't friends', not even acquaintances. A bonding session over an imminent murder with coffee and snacks it wasn't. We're just two people with a common enemy. Jack. And we have one common goal. We needed to keep April out of harm's way. That was it. And I was cool with it.

"So how are those kids of yours?" A sentence I never thought I'd hear coming out of Franks' mouth. Now that the talk of business was over with, it seemed inevitable that the casual talk would begin. I just didn't know Frank had it in him. Creepy was one word to describe it. Another was awkward.

"Uh, they're good, thanks." I reply, nervously scratching the back of my head. This was fucking strange. Were we being civil to each other?

"Well, that's nice." Frank skims his finger round the handle of his coffee cup. Not meeting my eyes. _Fuck_. We are two emotionally retarded fools. We're socially awkward to say the least. And I just can't stop myself. I need to make this moment more peculiar between us. _Why the hell not_?

"Do you want to see them?" I blurt out without a second thought. Frank suddenly looks up. I'm not sure what I see in his eyes. Was it excitement? It's something I don't recognise. It's something I've never associated with Frank?

"I uh – I keep a few pictures in my wallet." Frank nods and I lean forward and reach round to retrieve the wallet from my back pocket. I flip it open and slide it over towards him.  
Frank hesitantly leans forward to take a peek. He's studying the pictures one by one. But never getting close enough to reach out and touch it to take a better look. He's afraid. He knows that his stubbornness has cost him the chance to know his own grandchildren. Seeing their faces now makes them real.

"That little one there is the spit of April at that age." Frank smiles a genuine smile. It's like he's imagining April at that age. And I can't help but smile too.

"That's Polly. She's April's 'mini me', cute but seriously way too bossy." Frank manages a laugh and I follow suit.

"Yeah that sounds about right." He sighs and slouches back in defeat against the chair.  
I take back the wallet, lift my cup and drink the rest of my coffee that's now pretty damn cold.

"I have a few things to take care of today so I think we should start the ball rolling, say tomorrow. I want this shit done before the end of the week. I don't trust Jack one bit. I know he's definitely up to something."  
We both go to stand at the same time, when my cell phone rings. I lift it out of my pocket and read the caller ID.

**Lee Calling….**

I accept the call.

"Hey man, what's up?" I go to check I have everything before we leave the bistro.

"Dude! Where the fuck are you?" Lees' tone stops me in my tracks suddenly. I can already sense something is wrong. Frank stands opposite me, eyeing me curiously.

"I'm out, just on my way home now. Why what's wrong?" My mouth becomes dry. The urgency in his voice is making me nervous.

"Phil you need to get back to your house as quick as you fucking can. Freya, Pols and Josh just turned up at my door. April's not with them. **Shit!** Man. This is bad. They're scared. Like fucking shaking."

I just can't comprehend what he's saying now. Why the hell would the kids be there without April? _Where the fuck was April_? Then it hits me like a tonne of bricks. My stomach drops and I feel the urge to wretch. My vision becomes blurry. I'm seeing a double of Frank.

**Jack**. _Mother fucker_!

"Man, are you there? Hello?" Lee shouts, panic in his voice.

"It's Jack." I stare right at Frank and his stance changes. He's ready to bolt out of here.

"Phil! Freya's saying April told them to run. She told them not to go back to the house."

I can hear Freya's voice faint in the background. I'm straining to understand her words but I just can't make them out and the more I try, the more I'm getting frustrated. So I begin to pace between the tables. My free hand runs viciously through my hair, tugging on it slightly.

"Oh fuck! Phil?" I can now hear the kids sobbing in the background.

"What? **WHAT?**" I'm practically going insane.

"Freya mentioned a gun. Jack has a gun! He's at the house with a gun!" But that's all I hear as the phone slips out of my grip and crashes to the floor. I don't even think about it, I just do and I find myself running for the door of the bistro. Frank's on my tail, picking up the phone as he catches my arm.

"What the hell boy? You can't just run out of here without telling me what the fuck is going on?"  
I try shoving him away, trying to reach for the door. I don't have time for this.

"It's April! Jack's at our house. She got the kids out but she stayed. He has a fucking gun Frank. We need to get to her. The bastard's going to kill her. I know he is."

Frank falters slightly but his features harden again. Pushing me towards the exit, he follows.

"Well, what are you waiting for boy? Let's get a move on. April needs _us_!"

* * *

**April's P.O.V.**

Jack's eyes flutter open. Squinting and straining. He's trying to get his bearings. He hasn't been out for long. I expected that. The pan was heavy enough but I knew the force of the blow wouldn't have killed him. It was unfortunate, for him anyway. His eyes focus on me, then the gun I'm pointing at him. He groans loudly, lifting his head up, off the table.

"You stupid, stupid girl" He manages to say as his fingers roam the back of his head, feeling around the gash, wincing a little he brings his hand back to see his fingers covered in blood.

"You're right Jack, I am stupid." I agree with him and I can see a small smile play on his lips. But I have more to say.

"Stupid to think that Phil and I would ever have a normal life while you were still out there breathing." I raise my arm a little higher, gripping the gun a little tighter and the smile from Jack's lips disappears, his jaw clenches, eyes narrowing.

"You couldn't, even if you wanted to." He nods towards the gun. "You haven't got it in you April."

I can't believe this man. I'm sitting here ready to shoot him between the eyes and he's still pushing my buttons. I can't help but let out a small chuckle at Jack's audacity.

"I guess you're right, maybe back then, when I had nothing to lose. But that was ten years ago Jack. A lot's changed since then. Phil and I, our kids, the life we've made for ourselves. So if you want to take that chance. If you think I'm still that mousey, weak girl that you held against her will then you keep calling my bluff." I smirk; my eyes are set firmly on his. I don't even think I've blinked.

"But know this Jack. I'm **not** that person anymore. I'm a mother now. And I'll fight tooth and nail to keep scum like you away from the one thing I love with my entire being, **my** Family. Not yours. So go right ahead Jack. Keep pushing all the damn buttons you want. Which button's going to be the one that makes me pull this trigger?"

Jack sits there, mulling over my words I'm guessing. Then the son of a bitch starts to clap. Slow. Loud. He's teasing me. He's challenging me.

"Bravo April! Bravo! That was touching, it really was. And I'd give you a standing ovation but, well.. you know, I'm not feeling quite myself at the moment. Got a bit of a headache you see. It feels as if someone's hit me round the head with an object of some kind?" The clapping stops. The joking stops. And I feel myself flinch as Jack slams his fists down hard against the surface of the table.

"You think I'm afraid of you now you're pointing my gun at me? _Tsk, Tsk_, little April. You should have finished me off when you had the chance. I'm going to make you wish you had when I'm done with you."

Jack stands up, slowly at first but he easily shakes off the dizziness as he moves towards me.  
I slide off the stool, the gun still pointed at his face but my body's now shaking and that means so are my hands.

"Don't you dare come any closer? I mean it Jack. Stay the fuck away from me." I sob as I can feel my resolve go out the window. But he's still advancing on me until I'm backed up against the counter top.  
Jack's right there in front of me now. He pushes his head against the gun, smiling, waiting for something that we both know won't come. I can't do it. I can't will my hands to stop shaking. I can't will myself to add that extra bit of pressure to the trigger. That's all it would take and it would be over. I'm looking into his eyes, and they're daring me to do it. And I'm frozen with fear.

I don't even notice that he's now wrapped a hand around my wrist as the other takes the gun without a fight. But instead of using it, he puts the safety back on it and tosses it haphazardly on the table behind. He's close, so close I can feel his breath on me. And instead of the staleness like I remembered, it's sweet. _Must have been the pancakes?_ But I still stand there, not able to move. Thinking back to what I had told him. Thinking that instead of threatening him like I wanted it to, I had said it to try and convince myself that I was strong enough to do it. To pull that trigger. I was wrong. Jack was right.

Jack brings his hand up and cups my cheek. He's cold and I flinch. But it doesn't deter him as his fingers lightly trace under my eye, down to the corner of my mouth and back up. His eyes roam curiously over my face. His hardened expression lost, replaced with something I had never seen before.

"You're just like her." Jack whispers, he's looking at me like he's hypnotised.

"Who?" I barely get the words out as my brow furrows in confusion.

Jack's fingers stop still on my cheek, "Phillips mother."

My mouth opens slightly in shock. Phil's mom? I remind him of his late wife? I shudder at the hungry look he's now pinned on me.

"You're beautiful April. Just like my Elise was. Pure. Natural. Phillip and me? We don't deserve women like you and her. I fucked up when it came to them both. I didn't do the right thing by them. And when the cancer got her, it was too late to make amends." Jack continues to stroke under my eye with his thumb.

"You think Phillip's a changed man? He'll never change. He's got my blood coursing through his veins. He's bad to the bone. Phillip's always been good at pretending. But eventually darling he's going to be just like his good old dad"

_**No! No!**_ I _can't_ believe it I _won't_. I push Jack away, enraged that he would even suggest such a thing.

"He's nothing like you Jack. There's no pretence. This is what Phil wants. He loves us. He'd do anything for us. But you'll never understand. You're incapable. And the way I see it, Phil's mom was lucky the cancer took her before she died at your hands, you evil bastard!" I spit in his face which he doesn't take too kindly to.

And then I feel it. The sting in my cheek. That familiar burning sensation. My hair, a mess over my face as my head jolts to the side at the impact of Jack's palm on my face. He grabs my shoulders, shaking me violently. So hard that I'm sure my brain's rattling back and forth in my head. His fingers gripping into my skin, almost penetrating.

"I never laid a hand on that woman! I loved her!" Jack sobs, his eyes are now glassy. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost.

"You killed her Jack. You! You broke her heart." I scream, provoking him.  
His hands leave my shoulders and find a place around my throat. And he begins to squeeze.

"You know nothing!" Jack shouts at me through clenched teeth. I feel his spit spray over my face as I claw at his fingers wrapped around my neck. Gasping for air, I can see the murderous glint in his eyes and his grip tightening like a vice.

"I'm really going to enjoy this April, just as much as I enjoyed _fucking_ you. Maybe even more." He laughs. His sweat now mixing into the hardening blood on his face. Traces of stray tears on his cheeks.

I move my hands away from his vice grip and begin a frenzied attack on Jack's face. Gouging at his eyes, scratching his face. Doing whatever I can to force his hold to loosen. But it's no use. I can feel my head spin. My vision blurs, white spots appear and I can't help but berate myself for not being stronger. For not being able to do more. I realise as I feel my body shutdown, Jack's face would be the last one I'd see. I'd never see my kids grow up. I'd never know my baby growing inside me. And Phil.

I'd never see Phil again.

_My husband. My hero. My soul mate_.

The love of my life._ My forever_. But we weren't going to get that forever we promised each other.

"_Phil_." I gasp as I let go.

Then everything fades to black.


End file.
